25 Years Gone...?

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Tad,

I normally not on at night, I try to stay off the comptuer and spend time with my family, ahh but being a mod and seeing if anyone needs to have posts approved...

Take it as a good moment, and you did good.

When you have limited contact it is important that she sees you at your best.

Enjoy the moment....but do not expect that it will continue on the next time ok? It is a hard thing to learn but you need to.

[tadpole1025]

Will do Jack. Thanks. Sorry for all of the questions. I'm new and just wondering what to expect. I'm working on getting a life but it is just so hard right now.

I think I read on one of these boards that the MLCer can't see things for what they are right now because their true feelings like love for the spouse are buried under a bunch of negative feelings like anger and resentment. When and how do these negative feelings go away so they can realize that they DO love their spouse and their marriage IS worth working on?

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Tad,

Don't be sorry for the questions, you're going to be full of them, I'd love it if you can have those questions, but not let them dominate you and your day wondering about the possible answers.

Questions about what she is thinking, we don't have an answer for.
General questions about MLC, we can hazard good guesses. Specific questions? Why does she now like the color red? Not so much.

When does that happen?

Rock Bottom, a place you cannot help her get too and is seldom ever what the LBS thinks it will be.
Rock Bottom, is when the MLCer realizes that all the bad all the crap, has one common denominator...themself. When everything crashes down around them, implodes and leaves them at their most vulnerable, and they realize all the things they were running from was inside them.

The strange part? You're sort of doing that right now...or you SHOULD be. Taking a look at yourself, seeing what you don't like and killing it.

Of the two ways to do that?

Yours is the easier, less mess to own up to later. : )

[tadpole1025]

So....Valentine's Day. Do I do anything or just let it pass? We are seperated, she wants no relationship talk. Will doing anything for Valentine's Day help or hurt?


I hate Valentine's Day this year..............

[Jack_Three_Beans]

What does your heart tell you?

What does your head tell you?

[tadpole1025]

That's the problem.

My heart says yes.

My head says no because I tend to think it goes against DBing.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Your heart is in the right place,

But your head will protect your heart right now.

Be more logical than emotional right now.

[Mach1]

We are seperated, she wants no relationship talk.

Tad...

I purchased cards....

Signed them , and put them away for a time in the future...

If it is the action that matters , then maybe you can clear your head by just knowing you got them.

[angel61]

Mach, I have read many things here in these boards that have made me cry, but your post hit hard. One of the hardest things ever in this situation we find ourselves in is being unable to express our love. Birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, Valentines. We just celebrated an anniversary yesterday and although things went OK (H seemed sad but did celebrate with the family) I am feeling down today. Not spiraling, sick to the gut but tired, beaten down kind of feeling.

But I think I will take your advice. Then I have something to look forward to - either give them to H when we are OK, or write a book on unrequited love .....hehehe

[tadpole1025]

Thanks to everyone for the responses. I like Mach's idea. As much as I would love to show W how much I love and care, I just can't right now. I'll give her the space that she needs and give her no R talk or gifts....

This MLC crap $uck$!