I still want to make this work

[♪CS♪]

It surprises me that I feel this way, but I still want to make my marriage work.

My wife left me about a month ago; she is having an affair with a man from work. He is also married and has a child. He has also left his wife. My wife had been staying with a friend/her parents and then just moved into her new apartment yesterday. I found out that the other guy was staying at the same friend’s house while she was there. I have to guess he will be moving into her apartment as well.

This began back in November when I found out about the affair which was only emotional at the time. She left for a couple days and then returned through the Holidays. After the first of the year, I tried to talk about her feelings and she left, this time for good.

I started off with what I know now as the completely wrong approach. Begging, gifts, using our child (beautiful 18mo girl). All of this just pushed her away further. I have since at least tried to stop this behavior, however I have caught myself not being totally consistent with it.

We did go to a marriage counselor a couple times but it did not help, she had already made up her mind. Before that she saw a counselor on her own who told her she should leave! “Get some space and figure out what you want.” I have since tried to implement the changes I need to make without telling her "I've changed."

I just don't know if I am doing the right thing. I actually have a bad feeling she really loves this guy. I can't believe I still want her back so bad, but I do. I have ordered DR and I should have it tomorrow.
I recognize all of my shortcomings and what I did to push her away. I drank too much, I would get angry and yell, I wouldn’t giver her enough attention and I can be controlling. I am working on all of these things.
I have tried to be friends with her the last few weeks. I have been pretty good until we got together to talk about finances. I asked how she can do what she is doing. Tried to make her feel guilty about the other family. Of course this just made her very angry. Things smoothed out a little since and I have stopped initiating any of our conversations. 90% of what we have had has been in the form of text messages and have been limited to our daughter and what she will take from the house.
I know that the chances of this ever working out are slim to none, but I at least want to know I did everything I could do. I keep feeling like she will just snap out of it, but then the painful reality sets in that in all likelihood we will never have the family again that I loved.