I have just one more question on how I discovered the affairs through the emails as well as a follow-up question that is not in the open and will need to be addressed (probably at our next couples therapy).
If I didn't check my wife's emails, the affair would still be going on. Nothing would have changed. The dishonesty would still be there. My S would be spending half the week with the OW. There would be no couples therapy, rebuilding, or healing.
Yes, I have found them. Yes, I used a mistrusting way to view them. What was the alternative? If I had simply asked my wife on a speculation, would she really have told me the truth?
I guess that I where I am coming from. I understand the two way betrayal and need to put it all in the past and work forward.
Does the end justify the means ?
Only if it is the ending you seek ?
That is for you to answer
Can you live with the means if the end is not what you want ?
Can you live with the means if the end IS what you want ?
Can you live with the means living the double standard that you can be deceptive , yet not allow that ?
Deception can be just as addictive as the affair she had...
The word you seek may be forgiveness...
With her...
With yourself...
This chapter is over, whats done is done. Will you repeat it ?
Originally Posted By: sparks14
Question two. I am sure my wife is backtracking right now and reading through those 400 emails to find out exactly what I know. At some point soon, she is going to ask me if I have a copy of them. I do hold a sealed copy of them in a hidden place only if this ends poorly and goes to divorce. They are the backbone of any divorce based on infidelity. I was first told not to tell my wife of them. Too late. Too honest. I know the first question that I will get next week is if I have a copy of them (she already asked if my parents had a copy which they don't). For the sake of honesty and transparency, do I simply say yes? If she asks why, should I tell her that they are there for my protection in case things go poorly? If I asked a lawyer, I know they would tell me to lock them up. How do you go through trust knowing that I have that over her head?
I had them too...
I didn't snoop to find them, they found me...
I was asked that question ...
Why ?
What?
I calmly explained that they were in the safe hands of a friend, and hopefully, I could place the call one day for him to dispose of them, and I would never have to see them again.
Did it work ?
I dunno...
My focus wasn't on her reaction, it was about me being honest with my answers....
