dear X i can't stop thinking about what i said to you
i didn't mean it of course
i am so sorry
i truly love you, robin and i want you to be happy
one of the things i realize through this is that words do hurt...i realize that i say things without thinking about the consequences
this has done so much damage and the enormity is hitting me
i have also realized that when things were going south, i kept waiting to make them better instead of reacting right away had i done that we might have been in a very different place right now
remember i was once an actress and i tend to go for the dramatic i should have taken more time to stop and think about what this is doing to the man i love
i also know that when i am at work, or on a mountain somewhere, i can give those people the best of me which is pretty great it's what i used to give you all the time
my family are the people who should always receive that..no matter what i am going through
we should have been each others comfort
anyway, thank you for bearing with me when i have moments like this morning, and last night and yesterday and so on
because the words come from a place of hopelessness and the re telling of conversations come from a place of wanting to do whatever i can to turn this around and to show you that i can be the woman you deserve, desire and want
i know it's too late for that
but i do want you to be happy
because, simply - i love you
thank you for listening and i swear i will do better
I think this letter will not help your sicth at all. Write it and post it but don't send it. All those things you described do them through changing not through words.
I know you are in pain grr, I really do but I think that letter will have the opposite effect of what you want. He knows how much damage he is doing but you reminding him of it could cause him to resent you.
I think right now #1 goal is to get your mind right, the blow up with your H just happened a few days ago I think two so give it some space and time.
You sent it already huh? Hmmm...I'm not sure if this was a letter that should have been sent. Perhaps a journal entry would have been better.
Telling him you've changed, that you can do better is sadly going to fall on deaf ears I'm afraid at this point. The letter came across to me as pursuing a bit. He needs to see you've changed. Actions to support your words. He can't do that right in such close proximity - he needs the space to see it. If you love him that much you have to give him that space. He'll be watching from a distance - trust me.
I'm sorry you are hurting and I'm sending you a HUGE internet hug in the hope that it makes you feel better.
Today is another day. Get back on track with your DB! I have the utmost faith in you.
BITS
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
i getcha and isn't it funny how the girls realized i sent it already, but 2step didn't read as clearly im just sayin' (and teasing) i really did feel bad for what i had said to him i told him he was just like his walk away mother, who left when he was 3 thank you all hope, a hug right back 2step and zen, you are right on all levels we need a bit of space and today is another day but let me vent aarrrggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh! there i feel better xo
I agree that I don't see how this will help. I've done all of these things as well, but always just my words I've never sent a letter.
Regardless I think we can overcome these setbacks, and I think once in a while doing some sort of "temperature check" for ourselves isn't the worst thing we could do.
Unfortunately I tend to receive mixed responses from my W, probably as a result of whatever her current mood was.
I have to keep reminding myself that the pursuing in ANY FORM is not helping the sitch. I can clearly see that more I detach, the more I am mysterious (so to speak) and make her curious the better the results are...
All of the times I've used the approaches recommended in DR or by allies on this board they worked. My W has inititated R talk or at least showed an interest in me.
Although right now I believe she only wants to be "friends", as she loves to talk to me about what the kids are doing or about "how crappy work is". For now that works, because hopefully she'll actually see my changes and will start to question her position.
I still think that right now, she can see this clearly because will still live together. I know that will be the case for some period of time (at least 3 months) after that I'm not sure how it will change (although DB'ing will be easier).
I/We need to take it one day at time, constantly reminding ourselves to focus on being happy - remembering that we CANNOT change our S.
All the best "GRR"...you need make a nickname or something, "Grr" doesn't really role off the tongue!
BIT SIC
Me - 34 W - 33 M - 8 years T - 15 years D7, D5, D2 Bomb Nov 10/2010 "I'm not happy and INILWY" W Staying for the kids Mar 13/2011
thanks canada i love canada, do you know elvis costello lives there part time? i think i started the letter to be more of an apology and then, as is often the case, it turned into something else i do know that after he read it, he called me to say goodnight but i also know that more than anything he is worried about my well being and trying to be a good guy i'm glad your wife still lives with you i think that makes it easier no more setbacks for me i have to keep my eye on the big picture and you are correct one day at a time btw, i understand about my board name but that pretty much sums me up these days
I love Canada, always have...who's Elvis Costello? :0 Just kidding.
Your doing ok, and it'll get easier. We just need to stop relying on the acceptance of our spouses. Easier said than done, but I'm becoming a believer everyday.
Keep going!
Me - 34 W - 33 M - 8 years T - 15 years D7, D5, D2 Bomb Nov 10/2010 "I'm not happy and INILWY" W Staying for the kids Mar 13/2011
i like your nick it has many connotations.. grrr for when you're frustrated or grrrrin and bear it when you are being tested !
I love Canada as well but too darn cold right now !
I've wanted to write a letter like that many many times but stopped myself.. my H wouldn't appreciate it right now because he's just too self absorbed to see past his own nose, but I hope yours sees the honesty and feels your heart felt apology and words.. best of luck to you.
Me-41 H-34 T-9 M-8 10/21/10-BOMB 11/01/10-H moves out 01/27/12-H files
"Good memories tell you that your past was worth it, bad ones tell you that you were strong enough to go on"
