just so sad

[abbey1989]

Hi,
My H and I have been married for almost 22 years. We have a 20 year old son in college and a daughter who will be graduating high school in June. We own our own business. I recently returned to the workforce and still help manage our family business. I also returned to college to finish up my degree. Two years ago, I suspected H of having affair with a client of ours. She actually ended up divorcing her H around that time. All the clues were there, but he denied anything was going on and when I sort of backed him into a corner about whether or not he wanted to be married to me, he said yes, but his issue is that I never initiate sex and that I don't trust him. I do feel I have reason not to trust but he won't admit it. I confronted him about this on 2/15/2009. The day after Valentine's day. The day that I found a blank card with the first letter of the girlfriend's name on the envelope. It didn't help that I snooped through his car to find it. During that time, they were talking frequently on the cell phone (checked the bill), but then that stopped.

I still had my suspicions because H was gone every Saturday from 6 or 7am until 2pm or so. He said he was riding his bike, or his motorcycle, or going to the gym, or taking a hike (all of this alone of course). He was never available by cell phone during these outings. I have become accustomed to his schedule now. I actually started to believe that "maybe" this was all in my head until this past Thursday. That is the day when a received a few phone calls on my cell phone from a number I didn't recognize.

When I finally answered one of the calls, it was H and he sounded like he didn't expect me to be on the line. I got the definite feeling he thought he was calling someone else. He hung up the phone and then I called back on that number a few times and he didn't answer. I think he was trying to think quick about what his story should be. So he called me a few minutes later from his "real" cell phone and said that he was having phone troubles and needed to borrow one of his worker's phones to call me. I thought it sounded fishy...and again I just wanted to believe he was telling the truth. I never checked my voicemail over the wekend, but did just as I was headed to work on Monday. He had actually left a message for his girlffriend on my phone. It went like this:
"hey babe, I am here at ___college in the parking lot by the cafeteria" This i troubling for two reasons. 1) he told me when he called from that number that he was still at the jobsite and borrowed a phone, and 2) The suspected girlfriend works at this college. Also happens to be where I am going to school. So I asked him about this strange voicemail and at first he said he didn't know what it was, and he often calls a person thinking he is calling another. Then after hemming and hawing, he said he was there that day to meet with an architect. Good story but it doesn't jive with the one he told me on Thursday. Needless to say, I have been so distraught, I can't eat, can't sleep. What should I do? I do love him, and our marriage means so much to me but the lying is killing me. He was very attentive and sweet to me on Monday. He knows he has hurt me but won't admit it anything. And I think if he has been dating this other woman for 2years now, it must be pretty serious. So where do I fit in? Up until about a month ago or so, we were intimate around 3 time per week. Lately maybe once a week. And it is not ML. I feel more like a receptacle. I'm just so sad and feel like I'm living a lie. I am your typical "nice person". Hate to make waves. You know the type. So here I am....