This weekend was hard, watching all my H's pics of his trip go up online made me miss him and all the future trips we had planned together. Then going to a Super Bowl party solo just hit home.
I woke up sad. The reality just hits me sometimes and i just sobbed for about 1/2 hour straight. I just miss him so much, i want to turn the clock back so bad it hurts. There is so many things i want to say to him that i can't, so many things i want to do with him but i won't.
I think i'm sad because even though i'm hoping beyond anything that he'll come back the reality is always there that he may be gone for good. I'm 7 years older, i keep thinking 'why would he want to come back to his 'old' wife when he can date younger'?
I know i'm having a down day, tomorrow will probably be better but i can't help myself.. I constantly mourn the loss of my husband and marriage no matter how hard i'm trying.
I can relate to the older W, younger H thing. I'm 6 years older than mine. I always thought that as I get older, he may want to trade me in for a much younger, newer model. I guess I was right to a point. When he joined every free on-line dating site there is out there, 2 wks after he left, his age range was 27-45; he's 42. Any young woman we'll say 35 and under is just looking for a sugar daddy IMHO. I have a cousin who is 27 and she said ewww, I would never date my dad! I don't know what they are thinking.
Hang in Chrysalid and sending you hugs.
BITS
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
