First off, It is over and done, you can't change it now....
Secondly,
There seems to be issues that are valid from her. Things that are coming up that shine both of you in an unfavorable light.
Trust is the most fragile thing we have. We give it reluctantly, we accept it easily, and betray it frequently. Sometimes we know when we do, most times we don't. We often take for granted, but when it is broken, or gone.....It finds us again battered and bruised , seeking to find it, yet unwilling to give it.
In order to give trust, we must feel trusted.
The things that came up yesterday with that. It took the therapist and your wife to drag the truth out of you TWICE....
How can you expect that, if you don't give that ?
One of her issues is she doesn't feel safe at your home...
Keyloggers, Snooping....Would YOU feel safe there ?
Sparks....lying is lying, no matter how big, or how righteous one can get..
That is one of the reasons that exposing goes against what MWD teaches...
That breach of trust, is hard to repair.
What are your goals for addressing this ?
I understand what you are saying, Mach. The trust issue is broken on both sides. No matter how big or how small. In my mind, the trust broken from committing adultery and lying to me for 10 months outweighs the trust broken from checking her email to discover it.
In the end, I need to keep the past in the past and look towards the future.
My therapist mentioned for the short term that we only discuss serious topics in the safety of her office. Eventually, she suggested that we talk about our lives in a neutral place (over dinner with our son, walking around the park, etc.).
I know this will take a long time to rebuild.
The emails that I read were very heavy, damaging to me, and very graphic. I told my wife that even after reading through those to uncover the affair, I am still here. Does that mean anything? Does that come across at all? I guess most people that would read through that would already be out the door.
Me - 33 W - 33 S - 9 months M - 3 years T - 5.5 years Bomb - 12/14/10 ILYBNILWY PA discovered - 1/18/11 PA began - 3/22/10 Separated
