Newbie post What to do now

[JustStunned]

I am still going through the emotions of grieving. This morning was anger some what less intense than before. I am angry W can just toss away everything we worked for over 29 yrs due to anger and disappointment at the last 6 to 9 months. This is the time frame she referenced in her parting letter to me. It has taken me weeks to decipher and try to make sense of the ranting contained in her letter. If there ever will be an example of her state of mind as she ran away that letter is it. I realize the time frame is probably longer and running away is what she did at 18. She never, ever indicated her anger and disappointment; she just withdrew further and further from the R. Like an idiot I perused and pressured for a response.

I knew we weren’t communicating and now I know I was running down cheese less holes trying to force a reaction from her. I kept yammering away if we don’t speak to a MC about our problems we will end up D, is that what you want? I did not want D and could not conceive she would either. So in a way I brought this upon us. I planted the seed. Her anger and disappointment nurtured it.

I have accepted I have no control over her decision; I am still grieving, less intently than before but still grieving. Any change to this sitch is her decision to make and she has to want to. So I need to detach, GAL, and use everything I can to focus myself elsewhere, away from the sitch. I need to stop whining. I need to return to PI. I need to sound off like I have a pair. Wish me luck.