Positively moving forward

[awest1217]

Property agreement finally got back to my L. I should get it in the mail today or tomorrow and then if I am ok with whatever H added...the D should be finalized by March (as soon as my L can get a court date). This is a load off, but I am nervous about what H changed. I don't trust him at all, but the paralegal said it looked good so I trusting her.

In other news, my job is getting worse and worse. The govenor of our state is pretty much having all out war with the teacher's union and with teacher's in general. The news today quoted him as saying the teachers are "just out for more money". WHAT?!?!!? REALLY?!?!?! If I was out for money, I would not be a teacher. It is looking like I am not going to have a chance to get raises anymore unless my students do well on a test that hasn't even been made yet, and based on the subject I teach. If I am not teaching in a subject the state feels is important I can have a lower salary. Great for a single mom. On top of this, the legislators just passed a bill to remove more funding from public schools. My students already have to sit on chairs from the 70s that are broken, but now I will have to buy even more of my supplies and there is no way I will get the equipment I need to do my job the best that I can (like balances, hot plates, chemicals to do experiments, etc). On top of it, now they are saying anyone can teach at charter schools without a license, but I have to go to school to take classes to renew my license and pay for it all myself. I am good with improving and I want to improve as a teacher, but it is very hard to stay upbeat for the kids when on the news your elected officials are constantly bashing the job you do and saying you are just wanting more money instead of really wanting what is best for students because that is what all teachers are here to do. Help our students. It may not always be teaching them our subject area, but many students we help get out of gangs, stay away from drugs, stay in school, some have even taken students into their homes so they don't have to live on the street. We do much more than just teach our subject area, we educate students on life.

Sorry just extremely mad about the bad words coming from our state house.

[mishka422]

That royally stinks!!!!! Teachers need support from all fields, but especially those who control the state money!

Question, doesn't your county property tax pay for schools?

[awest1217]

Not exactly anymore. A couple of years ago the legislator passed a bill to cap property taxes and at that point the property taxes decreased dramatically and dramatically decreased school funding so it went from property taxes paying to the state funding it and when that happened the state completely took over.

It is all a real mess. One teacher who went to a rally yesterday at the statehouse said some politicians listened, but many had nasty things to say like "if you are here and care so much about our children then who is teaching our children now?" and others were very dismissive. It is all so sad.

I love my job and I love to teach, but right now it is so hard to stay positive and motivated when I think I will need to find a new job to support myself and S because the state is becoming so power hungry. The only positive is in two years we get a new govenor and prayfully he/she will be more education minded instead of money minded.

It is funny because at the beginning with this new govenor he leased the toll road to a foreign company and now he is potentially leasing our public schools to private for profit companies to create charter schools just to save some dollars for the state all in the name of what he says "education reform". Non of what is proposed is founded on any actual studies that prove it will help students. It is all sad...

[awest1217]

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I got the property agreement from H, and I am so upset and angry and just AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

He put in that he wants to have visitation as described in the parenting guidelines, and that would be great, but he hasn't done that and S doesn't want to do that. S won't even talk to H during the week. S spends the night Friday into Saturday and that is it. When I bring up him doing more, H says he is ok with things as they are.

He also wants less child support based on having him overnight. He has him at most 24 times a year maybe 30, but that is not enough to change the child support and even then he is "living" (really he lives with OW somewhere) with his parents and that is where S goes. His parents are paying for the food and the housing bills and everything else so why should he get a credit when he isn't paying extra. Plus he only is paying $540 a month based on the right now and he said that was good with him, but now he wants less? He wants the child support based on what he is going to do in the future...that is not how it works.

Then he wants to do child tax exemption every other year. Once again he doesn't deserve this. He doesn't pay for even a quarter of the bills for S so why should he get to deduct him. I could see if he was doing the actual visitation and it was at his place, but it isn't. I pay for everything myself, and the child support takes care of child care, but that is it. I pay for everything else so why should he ever get the tax break.

He also wants to have S for half the summer and all this other stuff. Once again he doesn't ever ask and doesn't follow through. H had off last Thursday for a snow day. I had school, but did he call to have S for an extra day, NO. He doesn't ask so why put it in there so when he feels like it he can hold it over my head. I always have let him have access to S, but he doesn't ever take it so why put it in there.

Finally he wants me to refinance within 4 years. IT IS NOT POSSIBLE! We did what a lot of people did 5 years ago and fully financed our house. I (remembering I have been paying all bills since forever, but especially the last two years) have paid down the house to 5%, but I can't refinance on that, and won't be able to in 4 years. He says he can't do anything because of the house, but I just talked to our mortgage company and once the decree is done he will be off of the loan and it won't affect his ability to do anything like rent an apartment (although he had one he was about to move into in Apr 2009 so why he can't now I don't understand). He is trying to drown me. And the biggest kicker is if I can't refinance in 4 years, he wants me to sell the house and I have to not hold him at fault for any defiicit in the selling. He is making me sell and I have to pay for it...I don't think so.

I am talking to my lawyer on Monday and hopefully I can get some of this cleared up. The tax thing I will have to fold on, but the house thing is not a problem if I have more time to refinance. If he wants it sooner I am going to sue for the $ he owes in mortgage payments for when he was out with OW and not divorcing me, but also not helping to pay either.

This could get ugly and I don't want it to, but I will go there if I have to....Really upset and scared I will lose my house.

[BeginningAgain]

Definitely need to talk to your lawyer - but just take a deep breathe in the meantime. These are all just demands he is making and quite frankly they seem unreasonable and unlikely to me, but then again that is what your lawyer is for.

Don't necessarily think you have to "fold" on the child tax credit thing. Each state is different of course but by and large I think the credit is the custodial parent's unless they agree to give it to the non-custodial parent. Again your lawyer will help you sort this stuff out.

It's a bit obvious and sad that your H is simply trying to stipulate more visitation time in order to lesson his child support obligation.

Best to you,
BA

[BeingMe]

I agree with BA ... no need to give up anything you don't have to. He is trying to ride on the tails of his S, without putting in the effort.

[kat727]

I have primary custody of my 4 kids but I have to let him claim 2 kids each year on taxes otherwise he might not be able to afford the child support payments. Kind of a mess because we alternate which 2 are claimed each year. And to be clear the boys have never stayed with him since he married his affair partner.

I hope it works out in your favor.

kat

[awest1217]

It really doesn't hurt him to not claim S. Because I am S's sole provider and especially if H is wanting lower child support it is finacially better for me to claim him always. It also becomes hairy with child care tax law (I did my homework). Because I am S's custodial parent only I can claim any child care paid so by H claiming S every other year, that is money every other year I am not allowed to claim. Also as S gets older and is in college, I will be the one paying his college bills, but if H claims him, I will not be able to claim the HOPE credit. It just all becomes very cloudy if H wants to flip flop and honestly he doesn't need it. I will say I get a lot of deductions being a teacher (so does he), and my offerings to church are deductible and so is the house, but he chose to leave and not have those deductions. The child tax credit I plan to use to fix parts of the house and to also put some away for college for S. It is the one time I get money from the government for being a mom.

With H he doesn't pay much. If we had more kids that would be one thing, but we only have S and we are young and if he gets his way, he will probably be only paying $400 in child support a month that doesn't even pay for child care.

I have been in anxiety mode all day and it probably won't subside for a few days. I can tell because my sugar is going crazy. I am going to try to relax tonight and the rest of the weekend. I did my homework and now know how to talk to my L. For child support, H will pay what the courts say, but the tax part I am not ok with and same with the mortgage.

I believe in God and HE has helped me so far with my finances, and I know he will continue. It was hard yesterday when I read the agreement because I started to cry fearign I will lose everything. I was in my room and S came in to ask why I was crying. I just told him someone had hurt me and I was upset. He asked who and I didn't tell him. Later on, I text H to ask about if he wants S overnight this weekend (it isn't always overnight and it is only friday into Saturday) and had S talk to him (although S fought me on it). Saturday is our 12 year dating anniversary and V-day weekend...hard weekend ahead and with a hard couple of days to start it.

Going to try and calm down now.

[kml]

" I just talked to our mortgage company and once the decree is done he will be off of the loan"

I'm a little confused about this part. It is my understanding that the divorce will take him off the TITLE to the house, but usually a lender will not let one of the parties off the LOAN - unless you qualify for the loan all on your own? Do you?

If you CAN get him off the loan, then great - no need to refi, right?

[awest1217]

I agree with you kml. I know he will be off the title, but I don't think he is completely off the loan. It is kind of like a co-signor at that point. At least that is the way I understand it. The guy I talked to from our mortgage company said if I defaulted the paperwork would make it so they couldn't go after him for the money (not that I would) so I still don't understand the problem. It sounds like once the decree is done and I get the paperwork H will be free of the mortgage. It will still come up on his credit report until I refinance, but since I pay for it, it helps him, not hurts him and actually I have been helping him for two years now so he can deal with a while longer.

I also talked to my tax person and she said to fight for the tax credit. I think just like she does. He does not have a right to it (all of the resources I read online say this as well), but I can choose to give it to him. The tax credit goes to the custodial parent and the custodial parent can choose to give it away. Also in the IN state rules on the exemption in a divorce state that the parent who has a greater financial need should get the exemption. I definitely have the greater financial need and even then when S gets to school age I won't be able to deduct any educational expenses on years H exempts, and H can't claim that because he isn't paying it so that money just goes to the government. Doesn't seem right. So based on her advise I will fight for the exemption and if it comes to it, I will say I will refinance in 5 years and put any tax refund towards the house so I can do that quicker. (if I get to keep the tax exempt, if not then it will ahve to be at least 10 years).