Less Scared and Less Alone

[Denver_2010]

LIS - I am so sorry that you are feeling afraid again and having these nightmares. I wish that there were something, anything, that I could say to you that would make it better. Hopefully, just sharing it with us, and knowing that we are all wishing nothing but the best for you will help a little.

BITS
Denver

[2stepboogie]

Lis,

I feel how weak and fruitless must be any word of mine which should attempt to beguile you from the grief of so overwhelming. But I cannot refrain from tendering you the consolation that may be found in the thanks from the lives you have touched through this website, to include my own.

I pray that our Heavenly Father may assuage the anguish of your bereavement, and leave you only with peace and the love that we share with each other through this website, and the solemn pride that must be yours to know that YOU have made it this far.

You are always there to offer comfort and encouragement and yet you grieve so profoundly on your own. I do not know you, but although we have never seen each other or shared a cup of coffee together I hope you know that you are in my thoughts and in my heart.

Between you and every goal that you wish to achieve, there is a series of obstacles and the bigger the goal, the bigger the obstacles. Your decision to be, and do something out of the ordinary entails facing difficulties and challenges that are out of the ordinary as well. Sometimes your greatest asset is simply your ability to stay with it longer than anyone else.

I will leave you with some words that encourage me through some difficult days………..

"But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings as eagles; They shall run, and not be weary; and They shall walk, and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

Your friend 2step!

[FellOnBlackDays]

Lost,
I too know there are probably no words that I could offer to ease your mind right now. I have no idea what it was like to endure such a horrific event. Even the worst my imagination could cook up would probably pale in comparison to the actual event. So, out of respect for your tragedy, I will say nothing at all other than I offer my support and friendship.

2step is right. We all barely know each other. Yet, at times during the day, I find myself wondering about you guys and how you are doing. If I had a wish today, it would be to stop your pain. No doubt!

The first couple of nights after they leave is the worst. But, take it from a guy who has been sleeping, eating, watching TV and doing laundry alone for five months, IT WILL GET BETTER. (Just for laughs here, I would like to use a phrase a dear friend of mine used to use) I would not sh*t you about this as you are my favorite turd!! I don't know why, but I always laugh when I use that line. I hope you can find some laughter in that also. Do me a favor. Tomorrow I want you to find three good reasons to laugh. Do it for FOBD. Just find a funny clip on YouTube or watch a movie you find funny and just laugh a couple of times. That always makes me feel better. Since my W left, I keep my DVR packed with sitcoms. When I can't get up, I just watch some stupid show and laugh like an idiot until I feel better. Try it, sweetie, please?

Sleep well tonight, my friend. You are truly never alone as long as you are a BITS!!!

Your friend,

FOBD

[2stepboogie]

Here LIS I will help you out

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m1gUdxOxsKg

Always makes me laugh

[lostinscared]

Dear, dear friends, your words make me smile, laugh and feel so good inside. Thank you all...

Isaiah... so weird that should be mentioned. I spend a lot of time in Isaiah (John and Psalms too). The book brings such incredible comfort to me! When I wake up at night, I go to my Bible because it reminds me that I am being watched over. Probably stupid, but I feel comforted.

I do laugh everyday and I spend most of my time watching comedies, uplifting shows and decorating shows (I love decorating). It's the nights, like most of you, that we get haunted for various reasons.

I don't know what is going to happen with my M. This is so frustrating to me. If it were up to me, I would have every minute of every day planned out. My H is the complete opposite (thank God because I couldn't stand to be around another one of me). But it's my H's cavalier attitude towards life which is tripping me up right now. This is the lesson I must learn in life, though. You know like the lyrics "life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." I am not comfortable in the unknown. Security means the world to me. But I'm beginning to realize that security is an illusion. Anything can happen at any minute. I don't know if I'll ever be completely comfortable with that notion, but I have to learn to live with it.

I pray that my H comes out of his fog. I pray that he sees our history for what it was instead of what he is creating in his mind. Kind of reminds me of the last lines of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, "it's hard to have a clear thinking on it now, but it's the truth even if it didn't happen." I pray I have the strength to continue to follow the principles here because it hurts so much. My H is hurting bad right now and it takes everything out of me not to do what I can to fix it. I'm fiercely loyal to my friends and family. And to just leave him there in his misery is just killing me and is against so much of who I am. But I have to.

I am one of the luckiest people alive, though. I told you my story and told you I made it. Most people don't. My cat got sick and we caught the problem and he is going to be fine. My dad had a heart attack but he came home to us. My H left me, but I know he still loves me (I just feel it). I come here day after day and I get to spend my time with some of the most extraordinary people (my prayer journal is just so full). I make personal goals and I mostly achieve them. Mostly, I am trying so hard to be right with God and I know that He loves me. I just wish that I could learn to be more grateful and less sad. It would make the days easier...

[FellOnBlackDays]

Lost, I want to share something with you that came up when I was working with my C. About 20 minutes into my second appointment with him, he asked me if I would be willing to take come constructive criticism. Of course, I accepted since my insurance company is paying this guy hundreds of dollars per hour. It went something like this:

C: Your most glaring and obvious block to your happiness right now is that you are a complete and total control freak about your life.

Me: Yea, tell me something I don't know.

C: Well, you obviously don't know how to deal with it. You are letting your endless need to control ever aspect of your life destroy the very life you are supposed be living and enjoying. (name), life is not about the logistics, it is about the experiences. And, you, my friend, miss all the experiences because you are too busy planning the next move..."

Lost, it only took him 1 1/2 appointments to come to that conclusion. Then he went on:

C: "(name) I need to warn you now so that you can think about this a bit before our next appointment. Separation and divorce is the absolute worst nightmare of a control freak like yourself. You had better prepare yourself for the longest, hardest, most trying period in your life. I am worried that you are not complete ready emotionally for what you are about to endure. We have some work to do."

Me: So, what next?

The point of all this is to let you know that you are not alone in battling these feelings. Eleven years ago, my father passed at a very young age and it devastated me to the point that I do believe I have been living in depression the entire time. But, the real tragedy is that I became this person that suddenly believed if he controlled everything and every aspect of his life, I could some how prevent bad things from ever happening to my family again. I was wrong. Very, very, very wrong.

During the long conversations between my W and I right before she left, she confessed to me that about five years ago, she started feeling like there was a problem in our marriage. Not a strong feeling, but it was there. That was about the time that my "controlling" behavior was at it's peak. My point? While I was working so hard to fight off this imaginary "demon" that only I could see, I neglected my marriage. While I fought on this imaginary "front line" that I had created in my mind, all the stuff at home was falling apart. In essence, my never-ending need to control ultimately destroyed my marriage. Now that, my friend, is the true definition of irony!!!

Please try to relax the "controlling" side of you right now. Let some things go for once. You will see that the world will not come to an end. I have been doing this for the past four months and I have found out that life is better if you relax a little. And, I have found that with my new, more relaxed attitude, I am better able to cope when things do go wrong. I don't fly off the handle or jump to conclusions. Please, for me, give it a try. For the next week, just let a few things "roll off your back" instead of trying to control or change them and see what happens. I promise you will feel better!!!

Your friend,

FOBD

[Denver_2010]

As usual FOBD... I can relate to so much of your experience.

Is it coincidence that so many of us have similar characteristics or experiences and that we are all here?

I wonder sometimes.

BITS
Denver

[ironMan]

Hey LIS ... just getting caught up on your sitch. I'll write more tomorrow. For now ..... hang in there. We are here with you!! this will get better.

[2stepboogie]

Lis,

How are you today?

[dixiegal]

Lis,

I just got caught up on all my buddies. Sweet LIS you are a wonderful and caring person! I understand how you feel. I too have had some things happen to me that haunted me for years. But, I gave it to GOD a few years ago and those things no longer have any power over me. It was real hard...but, I did it. You can too...your on the path now my friend. Keep going!

I'm so happy your Daddy came home and is doing well. I'm praying for his continued recovery w/speed! You just keep focusing on your family and being present for them.

When my H left in 2006, he did the same thing. Called all the time and etc just like your H. He was so confused about the leaving part. He was full of guilt and etc.

So, brace yourself because in this stage they go hot/cold in a second! You have to focus on you and how your going to react to them. It doesnt seem fair, I know. The rejection part creates anger and resentment. But, please focus on this part...don't let the resentment take over...like it did me. Focus on forgiveness everyday..

I'm praying for you LIS! I'm praying for GOD to give you the strength you need, to protect your heart and provide you w/the peace/comfort your need in these days ahead!!

Dixie