Moving Forward

[gutwrenching]

Been a ton going on...some just too much to explain in terms of job opportunities/interviews. Had some tough decisions because some good job opportunities that I was assured would NOT happen if they knew of the M problems.

W has moved out. She has said she wants to "reconcile" but when push came to shove, she hasn't offered enough for me to willing to do that yet. She knows the key boundaries...no contact/transparency/MC/IC. I also told her to remember back to this summer and her words/actions/specifics and that since that only got us 3 months that it would take more than that to alleviate my fears of ending up in this same spot again...and right now, she hasn't offered more. She has agreed that the S needs to happen so that both of us can figure out what we want and know for certain. She said she needs to know for certain, no wondering, needs to know for sure where the grass is greener.

It has been tough. I have strong moments and weak moments. But still pressing ahead. D4 is already starting to act out. Both kids have now told my W that she shouldn't be living there, she should be here with dad and them...

At this point, I don't know what the future holds. I know I have not seen or heard enough. I know that I don't know if I have it in me to try again...and it is about the fear of being back in this same spot. Contact with OM has not ended...it is very minimal, according to her words, and backed up with the intel I can gather. Emails have almost stopped. A few texts that she admits too. She claims OM has shown his true colors and she wishes she had been stronger in Nov and never reached back out to him.

That is the short version.