WAS announced intention to divorce 18 months ago. Children aged 13, 11, 9. She moved out in June.10 (she has the kids about 2/3rd's of the time). There have been many ups and downs. I attempted DB tactics (lost weight, dressed better, attempted to avoid angry exchanges) but have repeatedly slipped up by engaging in nasty words.
Yesterday was one of those days. Even 18 months after the fact her anger is so deep that an attempt at reconciliation at this stage would, I believe, be a huge failure. At 5:00 a.m this morning I received a message that basically said she only intends to deal with me with respect to the children. I sent the following text (her reply, which is very enlightening also follows):
“...there has been enough negative stuff to last a lifetime. I want to thank you for 3 wonderful children. I want to thank you for being a wonderful mother. I want to thank you for many, many wonderful memories. You were good for me and my peculiar character! I will miss you a great deal. I will miss your infectious smile and caring heart. I will miss your hugs and support. It breaks my heart that the children will not grow up with an intact family. Unfortunately, my own pain/hurt through this process led me to say some things in anger that I regret. I am sorry. However, I now appreciate more than ever that your anger is insurmountable. Goodbye xxxx. Although it fills me with pain to say this, I hope you find what makes you happy even though I will not be a part. I would have walked to the end of the earth to have made it work.”
She replied:
“Funny when this was over I was going to write you a letter. You have made me shed tears that I can’t stop from your text. The pain of this divorce has taken so much spirit and faith from me. I lay in bed yesterday afternoon unable to move as you have attacked everything I ever held dear. My character, my ability as a parent, my role as your wife. I loved you with all my heart, I wanted a fairy tale marriage and family. I was needy for your love and affection...just wanted you as my best friend.
I cry wishing it could all be washed away. I meant that when I said that to you and you didn’t let me finish. The words that have been said are burned into my head. I swear on the kids I wish we could go back to a time way before this and for things to have been different. It has been very difficult dealing with the fact that we have a broken family.
I find myself stopping myself when I look back as it is painful to think about how we screwed up. I can only look forward now. I gave until I just couldn’t any more. I know you and know its hard for you to express yourself. Came across a letter you gave me one Christmas and I wept. I know its in you its just me who brought out your goodness. I too am saying goodbye.
You will always have a piece of me. I will miss you. Under all those layers is someone very special. I still say that. You think its easy for me to move on its not. Many tears have been shed. I will always love you. I will always remember the happy times. It’s time for us to let each other go.”
Any and all advice is appreciated. Is there any "hope" in that response.
