A VERY Long Engagement

[FellOnBlackDays]

2step, that is the hardest part. You want to make these changes, but you also want them to see the changes. It is sad really that at times we can't just make the changes and be happy that we made them. I have a confession to make. Each day when I am finished working out, I go into the locker room, remove my shirt and wash up a bit in the sink to get rid of all the excess sweat and gym germs before I head home to take a real shower (they don't have showers at my gym). While I am standing there, I notice all the cool changes in my body and how much more tone I look. And, stupidly, I always think to myself, "Boy, she is going to sh*t when she sees what I look like now." This is sad actually. Why? Because I am completely missing the point of going to the gym. It is to make me feel better, look better and make friends in the gym. Not to please her, but to please me. But the thoughts are always there. All I think about is the first time I get to take my shirt off in front of my W. Why do I do that? Right now, there is not much of a chance I will ever get to do that. But, we have these thoughts anyway. We want them back and you can't just turn off that emotion. If we could, we would all be divorced already and not spending hours here each night.

I guess that is why we are still "newcomers" and not experts. We still have to learn that we are not here just to win them back. We are here to prepare ourselves for the worst while hoping for the best. Wow, I am really all over the board here tonight, but I hope you get my point. It is OK to struggle with this. You are only human and you are hurting. Just continue to focus on the good changes and don't get to down when an interaction with her doesn't go to plan. Remember my football analogy. OK, so tonight she got a first down on your defense. Don't sweat it. There is still plenty of football left to be played...

BITS never walk alone!!!

FOBD