So I don't check the threads for a little under 12 hours and Denver you have gone into some really deep provoking thoughts. I am know I am a little late but figured I would share my forture cookie advice anyways. Few are the days that I feel clear of thought.
Quote:
The problem lies in that I can't set any boundaries right now. I have to be a doormat without seeming to be a doormat!! Without feeling like a doormat!
I disagree with this statement. Do you feel like a doormat? Why? She is your W correct? I also disagree with the fact that you can’t set boundaries; for you it might be one thing for me another. I will travel this lonely road alone, I will suffer and I will learn but I will not lose myself and become someone I am not. I have my boundaries set with my W, a point I will not cross.
Quote:
Another issue with this money thing is that if we do reconcile, I don't want her finances to be so jacked up that it puts our marital finances in a bad way! What am I suppose to do here?!?!
I think you are putting the cart before the horse. If you do reconcile……….the key work being IF. If you help her, then help her because it comes from the heart and you want to. I know about the finances trust me but if my W and I reconcile I will accept her as she is and through my changes I will have a better M that will enrich both our lives.
Quote:
How is it possible to love someone and want them so much yet feel so much anger and hate for them at the same time?
That is a good question. I get my answer every time I pass a mirror and see my reflection. Only the question changes to “how could she have a loved a man who fell so short in his responsibility to care and be compassionate for so long”.
Quote:
Thursday may be the endgame for me.
It will be with that attitude and only if you so chose it.
Quote:
I hear so much talk on this forum that seems to discount the importance of why we came here in the first place, i.e., to save our M or R.
Not from me. I came here to save my M but I have found in the process how to save myself, either way for me it is a win win. What I want in my heart is to save my M and get back together with my W but I know after the pain has faded if I have failed I will arise a better man. So will you.
I know you are thinking with a much clearer mind today but I wanted to share my thoughts on your words yesterday. Your patience and consistency is something I have admired in you since I began to follow your thread. It’s funny I feel like I know you and I know your W I also understand your thought process, but I want to caution you heading into Thursday because negative thoughts would ruin all the progress you have made up to now.
I believe that you will make it and I am sure I will see you in the success stories of this website but in order to get there you must first take inventory in the changes you have made and make sure that they are REAL, not only for yourself but for the benefit of your M. As you pointed out, that is the end game of everyone here.
