Shine on you crazy diamond...

[FellOnBlackDays]

Team, thanks for all the great input on my latest interaction with my WAS. I had a wonderful time reading them and I am so glad that I was able to bring some joy to others lives.

I do however want to address a couple of things that were posted:

Denver, I find the "Frank the Tank" reference hilarious!!! Yes, unfortunately, that is me to a tee. But, for one night in March, I am going to have to shed that persona for my little brother's sake!

Lost, yes, unfortunately, the button pushing does continue. Mostly, right now, it is the W trying to push mine and me trying not to react. Sorry for the bad news.

As for the brochures for the trip to Mexico, I would like to clear something up. These were not fake or brought into the house for a scam. I have a group of friends that are going and are begging me to go with them. And, yes, I did leave them out on purpose with some flight numbers scribbled on the front. I was seriously considering this trip. But, I have decided not to go for one very important reason. There were going to be other singles on this trip. The last thing I need to do right now is jet off to Mexico, get completely blasted on tequila due to depression and end up in bed with someone else. And, yes, that could happen when you mix, singles, alcohol, depression and warm beach breezes. Not to mention, I would be furious if my W went on such a trip when we are in such a bad place in our marriage. Let us not forget that this is how her EA started back in October. So, out of respect for her and my marriage, I will just stay home and go to a museum or something with a friend or two. I still love her dearly and want her back. Mexico with a bunch of other single people is no place to be for a married man who wants his wife back...

Cat, I really want to address your post the most. I want you to know that I really took your response to heart. You do pose some very good questions and I respect your candor. So, please understand that I am replying out of respect and not to argue.

I come here to post whenever I feel the need. Unfortunately, sometimes when I come here I am angry and this shows in my posts. It seems to be those times when I use the unhealthy words that you detailed. And, you are correct, a healthy marriage should not include these phrases and terms. It is just that I have tried and tried over the past couple of weeks to make my wife understand that she does not have to act like an *ss to me anymore. I realize she felt this was necessary in the beginning. She wanted to punish me for my past behavior and I understand why. But, her latest actions are really unnecessary, unwanted, and frankly, disrespectful to a man that once threw his own body over hers at a very dangerous time a few years back. What you read last night was simply me celebrating the fact that I didn't rip her a new *ss for continuing to act like an *ss.

You must understand, I am trying to kill the old "bad husband me" but he is a tough S.O.B. to kill. You must know, six months ago, I would have torn into her for her behavior last night and then asked her to leave the house. But, I don't want to be that guy anymore. If last night came off as gloating, I am sorry. I was just happy that I was able to take her punches, protect myself and then not return the favor. It has taken me weeks to get to a point where I can do this and feel OK about it.

Just to clarify for you, my goal is to save my marriage. I am seeing a personal counselor on the side to work on many of my bad habits. My post last night was just to let folks know that I feel good about what I have learned and to lift some spirits. But, I do appreciate your post and I do want you to know that it did make me think about my actions. I do respect your opinion and I will take it into account going forward. Please feel free to continue to monitor my post and send your input.

Thanks for your input and take care!

Team, I have to check on my other BITS!!!

FOBD