Do not expect too much too soon with her. This may take a good while to sort out since her main problems seem to be sexual orientation.
The therapist should keep that in focus. If not, there may be things said that have no credibility for you, yet present blame to you.
Own the things you need to own, and listen and validate the ones you do not own.
Don't try to defend yourself too much, and remember...
Whatever she says....
Those are her feelings, and her truths....
You cannot change that through words, only consistent actions that match your words...
The best therapy sessions seem to be the ones that "hurt" the most walking out....
Well as couple's therapy goes, this one was a tough one. You mentioned that some of the best therapy sessions are the ones that you hurt as you leave. If that is the case, this one is up there.
It started off about us talking about the issues where my wife does not feel safe at home. I read our therapist the email that I wrote my W last night that opened me up and my intentions. That is was looking in a positive direction. That I would not let the negative feelings from my parents affect me, and that I have told them that. Things were looking positive as the session progressed. I felt like my wife truly began to feel that I was in this for good, and that I would not be giving up.
She then mentioned the betrayal she felt of how I told my parents about the affair before I even told her. That I allowed her in my parents’ home while they knew. To me, I almost felt like she was turning it around on me, but I began to understand how uncomfortable her relationship with my family will be for a very long time.
I don't remember how it slipped, but my wife said something that had me respond about my feelings. I told her for the past 10 months, she has done nothing but cheat and lie and betray, but I have still chosen to love you and take the positive road. She asked about how I knew it was 10 months. I told her that she told me it started last school year and was giving a general number. She asked again, and then told me to quit lying to her. She then threatened to never come back to therapy if I didn't tell her the truth. My wife (and family) knows that I am a HORRIBLE lier and always end up telling the truth. I can't hold a lie for the life of me. I told her that I had read her email, and that is how I ultimately discovered the affair. She was petrified and pissed. She then asked how I got her password. I first told her that I had always known it. She told me in tars not to lie to her. Not to lie in this therapist office that we promised was a safety zone for us. I told her that I had use a program to get the password.
It has hit the fan. My therapist mentions that there is betrayal going both ways. On one side, my wife betrayed me through her affair and lying. On the other side, I betrayed my wife by getting her password and checking her email.
Wife said that these are the reasons she does not feel comfortable in our house. I promised that I had not used that program and will not. It was only used to discover the truth. I have no intentions on snooping at all, and I will just have to prove that over time.
Sounds like this one is going to take awhile. If we had taken three steps forward, we just took two steps back.
Me - 33 W - 33 S - 9 months M - 3 years T - 5.5 years Bomb - 12/14/10 ILYBNILWY PA discovered - 1/18/11 PA began - 3/22/10 Separated
