Lost, hurt and scared ...

[MeMyselfandI]

Haven't posted in a couple of days as I'm out of town on duty travel. So, here are the updates:

Saturday, S and I were going to go to track before hockey practice but got sidetracked. When we arrived at the rink, H wasn't there yet. I was down in dressing room helping S get dressed when H showed up and asked him if he was staying for practice, if he would mind dropping the kids off at the track after they were done. He agreed, I thanked him, gave son a quick kiss good bye and off I went. Didn't see OW there anywhere either and the boy who she is nanny for was already there with his dad. I had a great two hour walk before H showed up with D. As I came around the track, they were standing at the window waiting for me. H told me S had already gone to his sleepover and I would need to bring his stuff to him. I again thanked him for dropping D off and then asked D if she wanted to come on track or if she wanted to go. She wanted to go so I said OK and went into the dressing room while she said good bye to her D.

Within 5 minutes of D and I getting home, H called to ask if he could borrow her microphone for a hockey team, (his team) meeting that he was having at his house that night. He came by the house about 10 minutes later to pick it up. I was wiping down the cooktop and we had some small chit chat about house things and I asked him if he was still good to get the kids at 11 the next morning which he was.

He called again a couple hours later and was talking to D. Next thing I knew, she handed the phone to me and he wanted to talk about the two week swap thing. We had a brief conversation in which he indicated he didn't like it. I explained what I had observed with the kids and that they were far more settled this week and had a really great week. I also told him that I had asked them both what they thought about it before he even mentioned it and that S loved it, D hated it. We didn't really resolve anything by the end of the conversation and he was going to see how he feels after his two weeks with the kids and we will also discuss again with the kids and take it from there.

Sunday morning, he sends me a text saying he will be over about 10 after 11. Then he calls at 11 and tells me his vehicle has just died and he'll be a few minutes late. He shows up about 11:30. I tell him that he can use my vehicle while I'm away if he wants, he just has to keep an eye on a couple of things that are wrong with it but he is more than welcome. He asks questions about what is wrong with my van and I tell him that I'll likely be looking for a new vehicle in the near future as the repairs are going to cost about $2K. He then tells me his vehicle is fine, he just ran out of gas and his second vehicle was blocked in as one of the guys on his hockey team left his truck overnight. He thanks me for the offer and then tells me I can always use one of his vehicles if my van dies. I say good bye to D and off they go.

I realize, right after they leave that he has left my S's boots in the garage so I send him a text giving him my door code to get into the house so he can come and pick them up that I was off to the airport.

Monday, I get an email from him regarding kid's hockey game on Tuesday which was kinda funny since he knows I'm not around. I didn't respond. Then, I get a second email with the subject line: soccer pictures and an argument starter. As it turns out, he sent me a bunch of pictures of the kids playing soccer and then asked my thoughts about a new hockey camp proposal that is being put forward by someone who he knows I have absolutely no respect for and do not want the kids involved in anything to do with this guy, (who also happens to be H's boss). Anyway, after a few exchanges, I tell him I need some time to think more about it as it is a three year commitment and quite a substanial financial commitment as well. I go on to explain that we have all become accustomed to a lifestyle of a dual-income family and we no longer have that luxury and I just want to be realistic. He agrees that "money is tighter, a lot tighter now." Everytime I answered his emails, I thought the conversation was done and he'd send something back always with a question that I would have to answer so the emails were going back and forth most of the day and there was quite a bit of joking on his part.

Then he goes on to tell me that D has finally decided on her B-day party (her B-day is Thursday). She is going to have 5 friends sleepover at D's house on Friday and they are going to go to dinner. He says I am welcome to be there for any/all of it, just let him know what I would like to do. I respond saying I'll likely go to the dinner part of her party. He writes back asking when I get back on Friday and will I be there in time for their hockey game.

We also got on the topic of her b-day presents and he asked if I had her present yet. I told him that I had some of it but I was going to buy her some bras as she wants some "pretty ones". He writes back saying he won't comment on the bras but if she wants them it's better that I buy them rather than him. I respond laughing and tell him that she's been wearing bras for about 8 months. He writes back saying ... not at my house ... she is a boy over there.

I didn't respond. About an hour later, he calls my cell but I was out for dinner so didn't answer. Then he sends me a text asking if they can go into my house to get the cupcake carrier. I respond saying yes, go ahead and tell him where it is. This is a bit change from how I was before as I didn't want him in my house at all, let alone would I allow him to go in there without me being home.

So, some positive baby steps I think. He is definitely making more contact although I still haven't reached my goal of having him contact me for something other than business/kids.