Well, Dixie and you guys are awesome. Sure explains a lot. This is really going to be very hard to play. Acting like I don't care has backfired badly already. Acting like I do care obviously is going to get me into some kind of trouble because quite honestly the only way I could pull that off is if I thought we had a chance.
The best I could do yesterday is indicate that I didn't want to watch the SB. The other day, the best I could do is tell him that leaving was best.
So how I play this, I don't have a clue. Acts of Service is his love language. And he's got a serious problem in that he needs to feel loved and wanted every second of every day. Ugh...
I know telling me the truth was hard for all of you, but I really, really appreciate it.
Another note, it just p*sses me off that you were treated that way. I've been sitting here thinking about it since I read it this morning and some of those things are so mean spirited and just so unnecessary. No one deserves that. No one. Sorry, I'm off the soap box.
Lost, How are you doing? No traffic from you tonight. I hope things are going well with your father and your sitch. I will be sending out some positive vibes for you!!!
BITS never walk alone!
FOBD
Me: 39 W: 36 T: 15 yrs M: 9 yrs S: 09/10
So you can get on with your search, baby And I can get on with mine And maybe someday we will find, That it wasn't really wasted time...
Thinking of you too LIS. You have been such a wonderful support for me, that I want to be sure to try and return the favor to you. You are obviously a WONDERFUL person. I really hope that you are hanging in there and having a happy day! You really deserve it.
BITS Denver
P.S. I hope that didn't sound too cheesy...
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Hey guys!!! Thanks for the concern. Denver, you bring tears to my eyes!
Daddy is out of the hospital. He has an appt. tomorrow and another on Friday. They still don't have a clue what caused the heart attack. I was so excited last night, though, because I got to speak with him for 30 minutes before he got tired. His spirits seem much better. PTL.
Well, yesterday was day 3 of a migraine. One of the joys of my migraines is slurred speech. Kind of embarrassing, so I didn't call for an appointment, but I will today as it appears to finally be subsiding.
H is an interesting creature. As you all know, we work together. So, first thing yesterday, he was in my office for about 20 minutes just talking. Then again after lunch, same thing. He called me to make sure that I made it home yesterday (because of migraine, driving isn't easy). Then he said he'd call me when he left work. He didn't. So, I'm starting to see what FOBD is saying. He texted a few times, but I told him that I needed to sleep (which is true, I did). Then he called me first thing this morning to see how I was doing. Kind of strange considering that we work together and he would have seen me in about 30 minutes. Anyway, my temper got the best of me this morning.
When he called, he sounded so down and I asked him, "why do you always sound like you want to kill yourself when you're talking to me?"
He said, "Well, I don't."
That particular part of the conversation ended there. But his depression is really getting to me.
The closet bar(in my brand new house) is falling down. I mentioned that was getting worse this morning to H. He said he would be over this afternoon to check it out. He was almost happy with that development. So I know he's lonely. OW gets to town on Valentine's Day (life is funny, isn't it?) Let's see if the dynamics change then.
Wow... for all I wrote, I really had nothing to say. Sorry for the boring update! You all are so precious. I pray for you everyday and I thank the Lord for your friendship and company.
Glad to hear your Dad is at least out of the hospital. Praying for his speedy recovery.
You just keep DB'g and keeping that H of yours on his toes.
Have a fab day!
BITS
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
The song came and went Like the times that we spent Hiding out from the rain under the carnival tent I laughed and she'd smile It would last for awhile You don't know what you got till you lose it all again
Listen to the mandolin rain Listen to the music on the lake Listen to my heart break every time she runs away Listen to the banjo wind A sad song drifting low Listen to the tears roll Down my face as she turns to go
A cool evening dance Listening to the bluegrass band takes the chill From the air till they play the last song I'll do my time Keeping you off my mind but there's moments That I find, I'm not feeling so strong
Running down by the lakeshore She did love the sound of a summer storm It played on the lake like a mandolin Now it's washing her away again
Listen to the mandolin rain Listen to the music on the lake Listen to my heart break every time she runs away Listen to the banjo wind A sad song drifting low Listen to the tears roll Down my face as she turns to go
The boat's steaming in I watch the sidewheel spin and I Think about her when I hear that whistle blow I can't change my mind I knew all the time that she'd go But that's a choice I made long ago
Listen to the mandolin rain Listen to the music on the lake Listen to my heart break every time she runs away Listen to the banjo wind A sad song drifting low Listen to the tears roll Down my face as she turns to go
So this is kind of long story to tell you I'm scared every minute of every day, I'm just so scared.
So... When I was 17, while walking to school, I was picked up, taken a few miles away to the woods, raped and left. I was very lucky and I know that because I came away with only a few scars and a dislocated hip but that was about it physically.
Mentally, I was a wreck. I became suicidal and had court-ordered therapy. I stuck with it for about a year, but all in all it did nothing for me. This is why I really love MWD so much because she hit on something that I really understood because of my own therapy. We spent a lot of time talking about what happened and my past, but no time on how I actually could figure out how to move on.
I went to college, but was plagued by nightmares and this shyness I talk about a lot (this is why it is so hard for me to meet new people). The nightmares would haunt me and when I was married the first time, even worsened. I started sleep walking and even managed to start the car before my XH realized what was going on.
So, one day, my H came into my life. He found out about the nightmares when we started spending the nights together (very embarrassing). But he was so gentle about the whole thing. He would whisper to me when I would wake up to pretend that he was there and he was beating up whoever was there. After about a year, the nightmares were gone. I mean completely gone. I was a new person.
Fast forward to today. When my H moved out of our room, the nightmares started again. It was like 12 years without them never happened and they are back. I don't sleep and I spend my days almost terrorized again. I know the answer is more therapy but after my last experience, I'm not a fan. But I know I can't live like this.
I don't know why this comes up tonight, but I had a bad night last night and I dread another night of this...
Thanks for listening... I pray for you all dear friends.
lis - i cannot even begin to imagine what you are feeling right now you are a strong, beautiful woman and what happened is horrific, and in the past and you survived you, my dear, win the award of strongest woman on the board and you are so giving and warm to everyone else you have made so many friends here and we all are there for you you are not alone i hope you sleep well tonight and dream the sweetest of dreams you so deserve that i will be back later and check on you - internet style also, just think how lucky you are that daddy is ok xoxo
