No I realize I messed up, it was just so hard to not want her. I felt like she was giving me mixed singles as well (probably because she was drunk).
Regardless I'm ok with moving this forward, I do believe that things likely won't get any better unless we seperate and she can truly find herself and possibly miss me. I just can't believe it needs to get to that point to possibly save the M/R?!
I forgot to mention yesterday when I got home when we had the good R talk, she made mention of the fact she believes, "Once we are seperated, and not living together that we'll probably become great friends!" I looked at her like she was nuts.
Then I just said, "Oh ya, and we can call each and talk about our dating life and give other advise and tips!" I used a really silly voice and she actually was laughing.
The reality is I still think she has some crazy ideas in her head. I don't want to "just be her good friend"...
BITS SIC
Me - 34 W - 33 M - 8 years T - 15 years D7, D5, D2 Bomb Nov 10/2010 "I'm not happy and INILWY" W Staying for the kids Mar 13/2011
Scared, my H has played the friendship card to the hilt! Since a few weeks after he left, he tells me that I am his best friend and that I know him better than anyone else.
At first this annoyed the he!! out of me. I constantly told him, "I can't be just your friend." Now, I just listen to him and hear it for the truth that it is. He doesn't want me out of his life, but he's wickedly confused about where I fit in. I think the same can be said for your W.
Me: 33, H: 32 M: 12 years T: 13 years No kids D-Day: 7/2009 Separated: 10/12/10 Future Unknown GITS
"There's a fire starting in my heart, reaching a fever pitch and it's bringing me out the dark." - Adele
i HATE the friendship card ! We are all their 'best friends'.. is this the way you treat your bf's ? i wouldn't even treat my enemy the way my H has treated me over the past 6 months.
You are making progress SIC.. apart from the sex slip but that's only natural that you still desire your W. As difficult as it is, next time she comes home in that state just tuck her in bed and sleep on the couch or something.. she'll wonder why you didn't try to have sex with her and it'll shake her up a bit if you give her the impression she's no longer desirable to you even though you are madly craving her.
Me-41 H-34 T-9 M-8 10/21/10-BOMB 11/01/10-H moves out 01/27/12-H files
"Good memories tell you that your past was worth it, bad ones tell you that you were strong enough to go on"
It's just funny, because when I was young(er) and was dating before I met my W, I always made a choice that I would not remain friends with my ex-girlfriends. I figured it was just not a good idea for me (as I am emotional by nature) and likely for future R's.
Obviously with my W we have far too much history and 3 amazing girls that I realy have no choice but to be friends with her even if our M disolves.
I think it will be something I need to work on, because I believe I will never truly stop loving my W.
She just called me at work a few minutes ago and I didn't answer, but she didn't leave a message. Leads me to believe she was looking to talk, and not simply looking for me to run an errand on the way home from work.
I need to get some of control back, and start being receptive to her plans - with hope that in the end it will help me get our R back to where I want it to be.
Me - 34 W - 33 M - 8 years T - 15 years D7, D5, D2 Bomb Nov 10/2010 "I'm not happy and INILWY" W Staying for the kids Mar 13/2011
Friends... what a joke! This isn't dating, we're in real marriages and that line just sets me off. Yeah, I'll probably be "friends" with my H if we divorce, but it wouldn't be much of a friendship. I honestly don't feel like sitting around listening to who he's dating, not dating, kissing, not kissing. Not for me.
Yup, you need to get control back and that starts with agreeing to her plans. Things started going my way the second I did that. My H said he wanted to separate and I finally said, "I think that's a fantastic idea!" He stuck around for another 3 weeks before I couldn't take it anymore and helped him out the door. Helped him pack.
He's still playing games, and it really hurts me to the core, but I can't let that show right now. That is the only way to start putting control back in your corner. They HAVE to believe that they might be losing you before you can start to move one way or the other.
My heart hurts for SIC. I know that you are trying so hard and I know the pain that you are in. I'm praying for you.
I'm doing ok, I really am. I just struggle at times. The friends sitch scares me for sure, I just see it as a constant reminder of the things I've lost?!
Anyways, I just called her back. She immediately said , "It wasn't nice that you tried to take advantage of me last night."
I just said, "I apologize as that wasn't really my intention, I gave in my urges as we haven't been intimate in months - I think you can understand that."
She seemed to drop it, essentially she just wanted to tell me she didn't appreciate it - seemed kind of pointless.
Regardless at least it's dealt with, and the next time it happens I will just tuck her in and go sleep on the couch. The whole time I'll be on the couch hoping she comes downstairs in some sexy lingerie because she wants "some attention". It'll be wishful thinking.
I'll keep journalling away, and do my best to detach while supporting her "escape plan"!
BITS SIC
Me - 34 W - 33 M - 8 years T - 15 years D7, D5, D2 Bomb Nov 10/2010 "I'm not happy and INILWY" W Staying for the kids Mar 13/2011
Last night was pretty good. I got home after going to the gym and she had made dinner. We finished eating and then I cleaned up the kitchen.
W wanted to take the kids out to get some gifts for birthday parties they are going to this weekend.
She complained she was tired and didn't really want to take D2 with her because it will slow them down (I agree it does). I agreed that she could stay home with me but of course D2 wanted to go with her sisters.
I felt kind of good making my W have to deal with that. I know she has no issues normally taking the kids out on her own, but I really want her to think about the fact that once she leaves I won't always be there to help her out. I don't think this should be a huge factor for her, just something that might help to convince her to try and work on us.
She hasn't asked about going to MC, so I am going to hold off and book after she gets back from her trip at the beginning of March.
She works tonight, so I'll be home with the girls. I'll continue to be strong and only talk if she engages.
I'm starting to feel ok with the sitch no matter what happens. Not sure if this is just an emotional high, and the next low is just another "barb" from her away? Anyways, I'll enjoy it while it lasts.
Me - 34 W - 33 M - 8 years T - 15 years D7, D5, D2 Bomb Nov 10/2010 "I'm not happy and INILWY" W Staying for the kids Mar 13/2011
I just caught up with your sicth, your emotional state kind of describes me right before the S, I would be fine with the separation one minute almost looking forward to the peace and quiet and then the next I would be a little down on myself. I didn’t find this website till January…….yay for me.
Her attitude is very constant with the attitude my W had but I think punchy gave you some good advice early on, you followed it and it worked. I would stay on that approach. My MC counselor ‘describe it as shooting an unarmed men’ the more she complains about you the less you defend yourself after awhile she will run out of reasons to complain.
So last night I wasn't feeling it, just kind of felt down. Was home with the kids trying to enjoy them.
Anyways, they were busy playing, coloring and watching a movie so bedtime came and went. At about 9pm I'd gotten D2 to bed and D5 and D6 were at least in their PJ's after having a bath.
They wanted to back downstairs to make birthday cards for a birthday they are going to on the weekend. I said no at first, and then relented.
W comes in, guess it was a slow night at work because she's never home by 9pm. She wasn't happy at all that the kids were up past their bedtime. I felt guilty - because I knew she'd be angry.
She basically just looked at me and said, "You know they have school in the morning, and you know I'll have trouble getting them up and off to school right?"
I just said, I didn't do it on purpose - but she didn't care. She didn't say another word to me the rest of the night. I got D5 to bed and D6 wanted W to put her to bed, so I let her.
I slinked back downstairs, made the girls lunches and put the hockey game on. I had originally wanted to get to bed earlier, but I had no desire to have my W complain more if I came upto bed with her. So I ended up waiting until 11pm and then went to bed because I knew she would be asleep.
I almost feel as if this is a backslide, because this is something that happened at times in the past because I was not focused on getting the kids to bed - I had other priorities.
I need to livin up, get happy. I feel like right now the ONLY thing that makes me happy is seeing D2 smile or going to the gym.
I now cannot wait for W to go away for a week. 17 days before she goes away, and I feel like crossing each one off the calendar!
Feelings are not so mixed anymore, I feel myself anxious for the split just so I can actually start over and be happy.
I really don't know what I want right now, but am feeling trapped by the sitch. I still love my W, I think about that a lot but I'm starting to feel like I'm not IL with her anymore?!
I'm also craving sex a lot, just think about it a lot. How much I miss it. I'm not going to do anything about it, but it still [censored] to feel this way.
Me - 34 W - 33 M - 8 years T - 15 years D7, D5, D2 Bomb Nov 10/2010 "I'm not happy and INILWY" W Staying for the kids Mar 13/2011
