2Step, First, (((hugs))). It is a living, walking, breathing nightmare, isn’t it???
Listen, I don’t want to lecture you because I have the same feelings you do. One minute I’m ok, the next minute, I’m looking for the tallest building (not quite that bad). I don’t bring it up here much because I know that I will be told that I am not detached enough. I already know that. Just not sure how to pull it off sometimes. There is one thing that does help me tremendously, though, and that is my Bible study. No one can calm me quicker than God.
I am so sorry for what you are going through, but there are no answers. I wish that there were clear answers for us, but that doesn’t exist. You know why? There are no clear answers in our WAS’s heads either. They are just as confused and in some cases (including yours), torn up as we are.
Now, stubbornness and pride are definitely driving things. This is so sad to me because there is no place for those emotions in a marriage, yet they drive many marriages. The thing is, 2Step, you don’t know what is going to happen. I think part of you convinces yourself that she is going to turn in the paperwork because you are preparing yourself. If you are right, then you risk getting hurt less, right? Wrong. You do not. You are going to get hurt either way. I don’t know why we do this. And, by the way, I am famous for doing this so you have company. But we do need to “act as if” because it is important for the relationship. Maybe if you act as if, she turns paperwork in anyway. But if we don’t act as if, we are not giving ourselves the best chance at reconciliation. Your interactions have been great, 2Step. Even you admit that they have been good. So, one thing might have caught her off. If she hands in paperwork as a result of that, what makes you think that there isn’t something that you can do to make her undo this whole divorce non-sense? I mean if she is that impressionable, anything can turn the tide either way. Why because of one comment is everything doomed??
Sweetie, I pray so much for your pain to go away. We all know what that is and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. But there are better days ahead. We may not believe that right now, but it is still the truth.
