I know it doesn't sound like it, but H and I are finally (1st post in Pieceing!) working together. We start MC very soon, as I've been doing DB coaching and he has had some IC. I know he has been struggling with some ideas/myths he has about love and marriage. He isn't a big talker, and grew up told not to express his emotions (he was actually punished for it). He told me yesterday he knew marriage would be hard, but he didn't/doesn't think you should have to work at keeping love alive in your marriage. I couldn't believe he thought that. It explains why he 1st thought working things out wouldn't work and how he didn't see how behaviors affected our love (and also how he thought maybe we never loved each other from the begninning). Its like he gave "love" a power all on its own and there is nothing we can do to change it. My queston is, he isn't comfortable with his way of thinking and wants to learn /believe differently and how do I help him. I'm sure the MC will give suggestions too, but in the meantime are there books, DVD (aside from DB/DR?) I'm open to anything. All these months I thought he hated me, but he was really hating himself.
Me-36 H-37 D11 S8 S6 M9 T19 ILYNILWY 11/10 discover EA 02/11 discover EA is really PA/H moved out 03/11 H wants to go to counselling,piecing 12/11 Find out still OW(plural), I'm officially done/detached 04/12
My queston is, he isn't comfortable with his way of thinking and wants to learn /believe differently and how do I help him.
Hi CM, Welcome to piecing! Has he actually, specifically asked you to help him learn how to 'think different'? I'd tread very carefully here... this sounds like a job for the MC and him, more than you.
What have you been doing to help yourself through this situation?
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
