Her saying that you are spying on her...I don't know what to say about that. Sounds like she's projecting and is very defensive but I'm not qualified to give an opinion on that.
But then again, that's her problem, right?
Only if it's false....
At this point, I have eliminated all need and desire to snoop based on suggestions here.
I have only recorded one conversation, and that was when I told my wife that I knew about the affair. At the time, my father was very worried how she would take it if I prevented my S from leaving the house if she was bailing to OW. He feared physical violence, or even a chance that she would call the police to say that I physically assaulted her which would have thrown me in jail. I just wanted that conversation recorded just in case the worse were to happen. It did not go that way, and I have not recorded anything since.
I have also uninstalled any kind of keyloggers on our computers. If I am to stop snooping and detach myself from my desire to find truths, I don't want these to be a part in my life. Her feeling safe to return to our home (even during the day while I am not there) is much more important to me right now.
I have been to her brother's apartment. It is small. His girlfriend is nice but very loud (not the kind of behavior when you have a sleeping baby close by). she has little access to anything. Sleeps on an air mattress. Has to move the baby's portable crib back and forth between the office and living room. Just not a good situation.
I welcomed her back into our home, so she can have access and comfort in the home we made together. It is not that I am rushing her to move back in, but I do want to show her and allow her to have good memories as she walks around the house. It is a very positive home.
The safety issue has to go, and I wrote her a very nice letter yesterday that not only provided all of my honest intentions of where i am today but also try to eliminate some of the fears she has to come home. my letter may have been to honest, but in the end, i want her to understand that i am not here to hurt or manipulate her, i am ignoring the renegade advice coming from my family,and my sole intention is to act on my character and fight the fight of my life to save our marriage. the negative aspects she fears will not coexist with my intentions. she sent me a text ad thanked me for the letter. she said she appreciated it.
had my son last night solo. went well. returned him to her on my way to work.
W asked yesterday if i was working from home. i told her that i would go to the office if she wanted to come and spend some time at the house. she said she did, so i took that as a positive sign.
in general, i am feeling pretty good right now. couples therapy tonight. i am sure we will spend half the time talking about co-parenting. the other needs to concern us, but i have no idea where that will go or how i should approach it. it is still very early. i wanted to bring up my wish to speak with her parents, but you guys have talked me out of that. patience is key.
any positive words as far as the decisions i am making? any bad decisions that i have made that i am not aware of? any ideas of how i should approach couples therapy tonight?
Me - 33 W - 33 S - 9 months M - 3 years T - 5.5 years Bomb - 12/14/10 ILYBNILWY PA discovered - 1/18/11 PA began - 3/22/10 Separated
