Piecing is almost harder than before...

[XYZ]

More of the same. This dance feels like two steps forward and one back. I sure hope it's not the other way around. Sometimes I just don't know for sure.

Conversation with W is still good. Had a good weekend. Lack of physical affection is really taking a toll on me. I'm trying to see all the positives but sometimes my mind plays games.

This morning, we took the kids to breakfast at McDonald's. They played a bit and W and I chatted. She sat with crossed arms and barely gave me the cheek for a kiss when we left. WTF? I just don't understand. This process is neither linear nor fast and both are crushing me. Afterwards I sent W a TM: "Hi Honey - Thanks for letting me join you guys. You seemed a little tense, I everything is ok. Please let me know if I can do anything for you. I love you tons." No response yet, but she's most likely still driving, so that may or may not mean anything.

It still seems that when I lean in, she backs off and vice versa. Maybe I should pull back a bit? I hate this damn game playing. Why can't we just be us? Jesus.

Every time something good happens something less good follows and I get down. I'm very discourages right now. The only thing that keeps me going is thinking how stupid I'd feel in a year knowing that it would be great if only I'd tried longer.

Oh well. I guess I tough it out and keep going, but I don't know how I'll do that....