Not really. Just have a pen and paper to take some notes.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
What the crap! I'm finding out that my wife has been using my iPad and our old MacBook which is supposedly mine (used to be hers and she gave it to me earlier during our separation when she got a new model), and checking my Internet history, email, and even deleting some, ahem, naughty pictures of her that I kept. She even took the MacBook away from my room to who knows where. What juvenility! Still, its only stuff, so I don't really care much. The only worry of mine is that this means she is coming in to my room and perhaps checking out what I'm using from DB and DR, and/or this forum, among other things. Double what the crap!
Yeah, I wish. The owner of our house had childproof the house and not installed door locks for the guest bedroom (the one I'm in), kids room, etc. The reason why I'm reluctant on setting up passwords for my computers is because of my porn history. Any time I put a password, it becomes something suspicious to my wife. Until today, that it. I've set up password for the iPad, but not for my other PC in the living room which is also our family home theatre PC; it is used by everyone anyway.
I had my first DB coaching session and it was great! Thank youk, Doddy! I really needed a reminder from her that I need ro keep at putting up a shield (from my wife's negativity), while controling my adrenaline/temperament, plus be an active listener to my wife. The times that I've backslid - there was plenty of that - I've been reacting too much to my emotions and chastising her with my replies.
Wish our session could've been a little longer. The entire time I was worried that I wouldn't be able to talk about the important stuff, because there was only 45-50 minutes. I worry too much.
Remember how my wife used to come to my room or come to me to if she had something to talk to me about? I was distancing and she was coming to me for things, which was favorable by DR standards.
Well, now's she's changed her tactic and so now when she wants something she just yells my name from across the house and expects me to feel guilty enough to come to her.
Any ideas on how to approach this, from a DB/DR point of view?
Well, now's she's changed her tactic and so now when she wants something she just yells my name from across the house and expects me to feel guilty enough to come to her.
That's the kind of thing my kids used to do to me (and still do from time to time). I just ignored them until one of them came to me. I would then look them in the eye and tell them "if you want something, you can come to me. I don't respond to yelling from across the house."
You might feel a little guilty using this approach, instead, think of it as respecting yourself. You shouldn't be at anybody's beck and call.
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
Don't respond to her if she is yelling at you from across the house. When she asks why you are not responding, tell her you find it rude that she is yelling at you in such a way, and that if she wants to speak to you, she needs to come to you and do so in a respectful tone.
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
Any ideas on how to approach this, from a DB/DR point of view?
Yes, act like a grown-up! I see this as an act of disrepect. I never allowed my children to yell out my name and expect me to go to where ever they were (unless of course, it was an emergency). The same should be practiced by the adults in the home.
Don't respond to her yelling. If she acts mad about it then, calmly tell her that the distance from her to you is the same as you to her and that if she needs to tell you something, she can go to you and say whatever she wanted you to hear. End of discussion.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I agree. You should not go running to her when she is yelling at you. That is just plain rude. And yes Alamo I did check out some of the sites you sent me. One of them was way too much for me. To much "god" stuff that I really didn't agree with. But thanks so much for the tips. It is good to know there are other people out there having a hard time with this.
I hope your sitch starts to get better. Stay strong and calm.
Me:35, 2 kids from PR H: 37, 2 kids with me T: 15 years M: 8 years in Feb. Second walk out: 14-01-2011 H had PA: 2007
