Everyone, thanks for your feedback after last week's TT game. I have been trying to find time to post a response. Hope to do that in the next 1-2 days........Can't wait too long. As far as I know, out next TT game is scheduled in 2 days.
Sanderika, thanks for checking on me. You are right that I have been somewhat frustrated, but I am very grateful to everyone's encouragement and support. Things look different from outside the situation than from inside. It's always helpful to be reminded of the long view. I have been thinking and processing a lot. I absolutely know that XH and I have come a very long way from 1 year ago. It really is quite amazing......but I have been thinking that we're coming up on the 2.5 year anniversary since the bomb and H/XH and I were only together for 5 years. That number makes me question how much longer I should invest in my efforts. It's a bit confusing to me because XH IS making forward progress. It is just progress at a snail's pace and I feel that I have probably outgrown him emotionally......yet at the same time, I have no way of knowing that because we haven't talked about Rs at all. He may be processing more than I know............Sorry I'm rambling. These are things that I am processing right now.
I haven't posted before now because I have been VERY busy. I spent about 8 hours last week finishing X-MIL's birthday present. It's finished now and I plan to take it to her tomorrow evening. It turned out nicely.
I also bought an iPad and a new stereo receiver that I operate remotely with the iPad. It receives radio stations from all over the world through my home WiFi. VERY COOL!!! XH took his stereo with him when he moved out so it's been really WONDERFUL to have music in the house again. I also play iTunes and audiobooks on it. Very good for my soul! I spent some time figuring out how to set up and operate everything, so that's another reason I haven't been around much.
I downloaded 4 audiobooks and have been listening to two while working around the house. They have given me food for thought. One book, by Gary Chapman, is called "Love as a Way of Life: The Seven Secrets behind Every Language of Love". The other book I've been listening to is by Daniel Amen titled "Sex on the Brain. Twelve Lessons to Enhance Your Love Life" (almost done with this one --- trying to find ways to flirt more effectively with XH). I think the main take away I have from Amen's book so far is that once familiarity sets in and infatuation begins to wane, in order to regain that dopamine high that makes us feel so wonderful we need to make an effort to introduce novelty into our romantic Rs. I was very guilty of not holding up my end of that responsibility in my R with H/XH. i need to do better in the future. I think that novelty is VERY attractive to XH, so I think that introducing more of that into my interactions with him will draw him to me. I think it will pique his curiosity and make him begin thinking of me as more than just a friend......and if XH and I don't reconnect, it will be good practice for me for my next R.
I have also been thinking about what worked and what didn't work last week with XH. I think that the verbal jousting and verbal teasing worked VERY well with him (ala the TV show Moonlighting). After I posted I remembered another exchange we had that seemed to pique XH's interest. He said something like "This room (the room we play TT in) is full of junk." I looked him straight in the eyes with an playful grin on my face and said "Yea, there IS a lot of JUNK in this room!" Pretty sure XH knew that I was referring to HIS junk, if you catch my drift, because he gave me the kind of look that a guy gives a gal when he knows she's talking naughty.
I think that last week I spent too much time trying to contact XH physically using a direct approach. I think that I need to be sneakier about this and make it appear less intentional, like when I brushed against his leg while he showed me his iPad the week before. Truly, that would be a more genuine approach for me. I am not in a mental place where i would like to have a "make-out session" with XH and I'm pretty sure he's not either.
So........to summarize, my instinct tells me that at present, the winning formula for wooing XH is: (1) introducing novelty, (2) verbal teasing and flirtation, and (3) physical contact that teases and appears unintentional.
Sorry this post was rather disorganized. That's kind of what my brain looks like right now.
