Shine on you crazy diamond...

[FellOnBlackDays]

BITS,
Time for an update. This will be very, very long, so get a glass of milk and a sandwich or something now.

As many of you may remember from last week, my W was trying to head west for the weekend to be with her sister and niece. I warned her about the ice storm she was headed into and left it at that. Well, she went any way. Now, I didn't call her again after Thursday when we talked about weather. She would always get pissed at me for making her "check in" with me when she was on the road. So, this weekend, I went dark and let the chips fall. As expected, I didn't hear from her either. I GAL'ed with movies, dinner with a friend and a Super Bowl party. All was good.

I wanted to remain dark this week as I have found lately that too much contact with her causes me to be emotional. That was short-lived. I get a call from her tonight that she needed to come over and bring me some mail. Turns out that when she put in the change of address card, the USPS started forwarding all mail to her. I thought it was strange that my mail was pretty light the last couple of days. Anyway, I should not have answered, but she called twice and I caved.

Anyway, I played it cool and acted like her visit my be an issue. I wanted to see what she would do.

Wife: "Well, I don't have to hang out or anything. I just wanted to get you this stuff because it looked important. I could just leave it by the door and not come in (test #1).

Me: No, it's cool. I will be here.

She arrives and comes in. She asked permission to use the restroom. I actually found that respectful. She now knows this isn't her house any more. Of course, I played it off and granted permission.

She starts telling me about the mail issue. This is where the other tests began.

2) We made small talk about this until I noticed some of the mail was mutilated. I realized that she had worked very hard to peel the yellow labels from the post office with her new address on it off of the envelopes. I brought this up in a sarcastic manner. Bad move. She PROUDLY informed me she had removed the labels and that it was her decision. She is still trying to hide from me her new address.

3) Then in the middle of this conversation, she blurts out, "Boy, that icing was as bad as you said, but I made it without any problems." She then proceeded to tell me all about her weekend. She went on and on about playing with her niece and all they things they did. I told her I was very happy that she got some quality time with her niece.

4) She kept jumping from conversation to conversation as though she had an agenda she had to keep. Then, she suddenly blurts out, "How did the Super Bowl go yesterday? I DIDN'T watch any of it and I don't know how it ended." She was really pushing the fact that she knew nothing about the SB even though we live in the digital age where you can't take a sh*t without it getting on YouTube...

5) Then she moved on to telling me about all the new furniture she bought over the weekend and how she had to go home and assemble it. Once again, I never asked about any of this.

I was upbeat through the whole thing. She showed little or no positive or negative emotion. She then claimed she had to go home and put her furniture together. She agreed to meet later in the week to give me some other stuff I need from her. The entire visit was quite "cold" and she seemed to be on a mission. When she left, I was devastated. I sat in the hallway trying to catch my breath. I was completely depressed that there was not one positive sign in the whole visit. She proudly denied me access to her address, threw it in my face that she ignored my warning about the weather, went on and on about how great her weekend was and flaunted it that she didn't watch football when she knows that was one of our favorite past times together. I could barely eat my dinner... and then it hit me!!!

Go back to what you learned here and in the books I have read!!! I don't need to try to figure out what she is doing anymore because it is all there in black and white. Instead of moping and crying, I picked myself up and came to these conclusions instead:

1) She could have left the mail by the door and called me later to tell me what she did. It is probably what I should have let her do. But, when I gave her the option to come in the house, she took it. She didn't have to, but she did (Tell tale #1). She took the chance to come in the house. A place she wouldn't dare visit three weeks ago.

2) Why is she hiding her address? I haven't stalked her or anything. I never even asked to visit the place she was living in. I will tell you why she still wants it hidden. CONTROL!! She is quickly losing control of this situation. She doesn't have much left to hold over my head. I am no longer crying, begging, pleading and calling. I continue to go long periods without contacting her and she can no longer make me dance. This is one of the few things she has left to dangle over my head. When she proudly informed me she removed the labels, I just smiled, shook my head and changed the subject. I didn't beg her for her address which I am quite sure is what she wanted.

3) For 15 years, she hated that I would tell her how to handle things. Because I never called her this weekend, she never got the opportunity to show me she went anyway against my warning and made it to her sister's house. She could not wait to tell me this. Instead of getting pissed, I told her I was happy she made it safely. It was killing her that I didn't care whether she went or not. It was so obvious that she wanted to tell me it was laughable. She blurted this out in the middle of another conversation like a nine-year-old who got an A at school.

4) She couldn't wait to inform me that she is no longer taking interest in the things we once enjoyed. Once again, I didn't ask and you can't make me believe that she didn't know who won the SB. My god, it was on every station and website in America today. Just her way of trying to push her agenda and make me notice.

5) "Look at me, my life is so great. I got new furniture." Once again, I did not ask. Completely volunteered this information proudly. Yes, that sounds like a great way to spend an evening. Living in a crappy college apartment with your new IKEA furniture. We spent a couple of grand on our current dining room table. Now, she is proud of her $300 IKEA special? Sweetie, you are now dealing with a DB'ing professional. You are going to have to do better than that.

So, what's my point? My point is this. She still cares and that is awesome!!!! All of this crap tonight was a show. "Hey, husband, look at me. I am doing great. I went against your wishes and I am fine and the ice storm didn't get me. I don't watch football anymore because you like football. I bought new furniture because I don't want to live here anymore." I didn't ask about any of this yet she made it a point to stand there for 30 minutes filling me all in on all of this. Three months ago I was told that I no longer had rights to any information about her life. When I would ask questions, I was told to "mind my own business" and "stay out of my life, you no longer are privy to that" and so on. Now, I have to stand there and watch her "showboat."

I keep going back to the fact that I didn't ask for any of this information. If she truly didn't give a crap anymore, she would have never let me know she went out of town. If she didn't give a crap anymore, why would she hide her address? If she truly didn't give a crap anymore about me or my interests, why would she make it such a point to inform me she broke our SB tradition that has been going on for 15 years? If she truly didn't give a crap, why would she tell me all about her new, disposable, particle-board, screw-together furniture? She is working so hard to show me that she is doing fine without me? Why? Because I am DB'ing my *ss off and she doesn't know what else to do!!! With each little "end zone dance" she performed, I just smiled and said, "That sounds great," and stopped talking.

Why am I telling you all this?? Because you made it happen, BITS!!! Before you and your forum, I would have spent the whole night crying and wallowing because she didn't "show any signs of missing me." But if I apply my "new" mind to this, the whole visit was just the opposite. All of this useless information could have been passed on the telephone or never passed on at all. I honestly don't care what she does with her weekends right now. But she still cares that I know. "Sweetheart, if your new life is so great and you are soooo happy without me, why did you drive all the way across town to tell me about it?" Oh oh, is FOBD starting to get the drop on the WAS????

Team, thank you! Because of you I will go to bed happy tonight. I will let her come to the wedding and all associated events. I will continue to live my life and make her feel as though she has to tell me about hers. Freaking awesome.

Oh, and I decided to really mess with her. When she arrived, I made sure to have some travel brochures from a resort in Mexico on the bar in the kitchen. I purposely had them partially obstructed by other mail and I had faked some flight numbers in ink on the front of the brochure. I caught her three times looking in that direction on the bar. Fish on!!!

Good night, BITS!!!!

We are becoming quite a formidable team!!

FOBD, out!