after a little more than a year i am back

[Bolt]

Grr...so sorry to hear but I will have to say that there are really only 3 ways for it to really end, right?
1-he gives you papers
2-you give him papers
3-you buckle down and do some serious work for this relationship

My vote is on 3. I'm sorry but there had to be something more than an attraction on his part. There was a part of you besides looks that he wanted. That part (for now) isn't there and that could be what he means when he says that.

It's obvious and he's stated it that he doesn't want someone who is needy and pleading.

Grr - we got ya babe. Come on and do the work Detach and be a great parent. You will become soooo much more attractive to him than you are now.

It's so hard to hear, I know but BELIEVE me that's what it takes. You hear everyone on here saying it - heck, you've even said it Now it's time to do it.

Something I did and still do is daily goals. I bet you do that for work, right? Do it for yourself too.

Write a daily goal and stick to that. It's just one day. Not even 24 hours (can't count sleep). You can do it - one day at a time.

Here's an example.
Today I'm going to work out.
Easy goal, right?
That's a personal one. What about a relational one?
Today I'm not going to contact my H.
Easy! Done! Just stay focused on that.

Make them simple and then add to them.

What I'm doing now is something like this. I had a goal yesterday of not getting upset IF we didn't do the little excursion we had planned. It wasn't a big deal BUT I wanted to work on me having expectations.

SO - my goal was to not get upset IF plans didn't go as expected. That goal may have not even come into play but guess what? It did. We changed plans last minute and I was totally cool with it. Holy crap! Goal accomplished!

Do that every day.

It does really help.

Do me another huge favor. Really use this board You came to us (and more to the point, me) just before you met with your H. My advice was to stay positive - that's it. Please do it It will help you definitely.

Lastly - don't beat yourself up over this. That will just make it worse for you and potentially your H. Look at it as an F-up. Big deal. It's nothing.

EVEN if he says it's huge.

Listen to this. My W was constantly texting a dude. It was driving me nuts. I called her on it and she said she wouldn't text when the kids or I was around - she said it was no big deal and she wasn't interested in the dude. Yadda yadda - I didn't trust her so I looked at the phone records (you probably remember from the sitch) - and she went BALLISTIC. She even told me at that time that put us back miles from where we were. I thought, great. All of this work I put in and now we're even further behind.

Well, guess what? I worked my TAIL off to get her back by doing some serious DBing and we are BETTER than we were before. Not miles away but now miles ahead.

DON'T let it get you down.

Come on Grr! We got ya!!!