I intend to live forever - so far, so good

[ClingingToHope]

Pretty good weekend with the girls and a pretty cheap one. We hit an outdoor ice skating rink -- $9 -- and then went sledding. Otherwise, D11 had a sleepover party on Friday and we didn't much of anything Saturday except play the Wii and watch TV.

Stressing about money, which made me feel better about finally asking my L to wrap this D up.

But still when I see or hear STBXW's voice on the phone my whole body just seizes up. I just got off the phone with her a few minutes ago and I'm trying to shake it from my mind.

Random things from the weekend.

D8 asked me Saturday as we went to get D11 if I still think STBXW is the perfect girl for me. I waited a few seconds to answer that one and then said, "yes." I promised that I'd always love STBXW, and I'll keep it.

D11 had an interesting comment on Saturday. She said instead of saving up to buy a bigger house, I should just save up to buy the house I'm renting. I said "we'll see." I'm guessing STBXW has said something about moving to a different district when the house sells and D11 wants me at least to stay in the neighborhood.

I'd commit to that in a second except for one thing. One of the reasons the house is perfect is that I'm living next door to my uncle and his swimming pool. But they are getting up there in years and aren't in very good shape physically.

I wouldn't want to live there if someone else owned the house next door and we couldn't swim anymore. Ideally, I'd be able to buy his house when they were ready to move out. But it's worth about $50,000 more than the house I'm in. I'd have to be getting married again to buy that house.

I've struggled with D8 the past three days. She's back on the ADHD medicine, at the highest level yet, and she seems much more emotional at night and on the weekends. Coming down from the meds is hard.

Plus, I was doing my taxes this weekend and I'm going to owe a big chunk -- wiping out another savings account -- so I was feeling anxiety as well. So we had a couple of blowups and I'm feeling very down about it.

D8 knows she's different and says she doesn't fit in and -- there's really nothing I can do about it. She's just down about things. I am too.

D11 caught STBXW smoking. She smoked before we got married -- she hid it from me for three months. Quit before having D11. Started again after D11 was born. Quit before having D8. Then started up again about five years ago and quit again.

Whenever stress gets to be too much, she starts up again.

Another funny thing. STBXW drinks two mugs of coffee a day now. I've never had a cup in my life. Goes back to my parents. I never said she couldn't. She never brought it up. Now, she's sucking it down every day.

Weird, random stuff.

Off to the gym. I have to shake this out of my head.