Be the Lighthouse

[Denver_2010]

If you have read my posts from this afternoon, you obviously see that I'm having a tough day. I'm sorry for being so whiny folks. I know that I'm blessed with some positives with my situation. I guess that I'm haunted by some "what ifs" and a lot of impatience right now. I have no other place to go vent and get all of this off of my chest.

So yesterday was a good day with W and her family. I was fairly happy with how I handled everything. Today my BIL sent me an email telling me that it was nice to see me and that I "look happy these days" and that even SIL made the same comment after I left. So I know that I did a good job acting "as if" everything is just grand in my world.

If they could only see the slug that I have been today. Woke up thinking about the next steps towards reconciliation with W, questions about what to do with Valentines Day, and the unknown about some of W's comments about being "torn" and "confused". The latter of which sent me into wondering "what if" W tells me that she is "torn" bw our M and OM. This sent me into a tailspin.

Didn't go to work until 1 this afternoon. Wasn't able to focus on anything, so left at 3. To go do what? I guess come here and vent. To let my mind wonder to useless thoughts that serve absolutely no purpose and get me no closer to my goals with W or my own personal happiness.

I have probably posted numerous encouraging posts, with advice that I truly believe, on others' threads today. I kind of feel like a hypocrite in doing so when I am so down and scared about my own situation.

Uggg... sorry everyone. Don't blame you if you stopped reading long ago.

BITS
Denver