Be the Lighthouse

[Denver_2010]

1. I am glad that you went to see the game. I know that was a tough decision, but you made the right one.

Thanks LIS. Your posts always make me feel so much better. I really wish that I could return the favor to you... and everyone.

I hope that was the right decision. I feel that I am moving towards some kind of end game in some respects. Either my W and I will begin to "piece" soon, or I will be back to square one.

I'm not sure that I can continue on this path if I get sent back to square one.

Contradictory statements??? Well, maybe it's just me, but I would be thrilled by those. If she kept insisting it was over and not giving you a glimmer of hope, then I would be more concerned. That is not what's happening. It's time for you to take a walk over to the thread showing people who reconciled. Those people are together and were hearing the same things you are.

I KNOW that I should be happy that I have a glimmer of hope and that she is no longer just telling me that it is over.

I am somewhat embarrassed to be posting here that I am having a hard time today when I know that I am blessed to have so many positives going for me now. This just doesn't get any easier. Some aspects do. Like going home to my empty home... that doesn't make me cry any longer. Like sleeping alone in my bed. That doesn't make me long for my W like it did 2 months ago.

It's the being in limbo that does not get any easier. It's like I am constantly working to not let myself run away from the situation. Run away and just not deal with it any longer. It takes shear will power to want to keep trying. To do what is right. And, again, I sometimes wonder why how it is fair that I have to do all of this work.

3. "Trying to be nice." Ugh, I would love to just tell her not to do you any favors. BUT, this is actually not a bad statement either. See, it's pride-saving time. She is turning a corner, but she's got her pride to keep in doing it. I have a feeling as you move closer she's going to continue making statements like this... like she's doing you a favor. Ignore it. AND DO NOT LET YOUR PRIDE DO THE TALKING. If you do, that door will slam faster than you can blink an eye.

Yeah, trust me, this comment gave my ego a big fat lip.

I think that you are right though LIS. My W has to figure out a way back to me without it looking like she made a huge mistake. At least that's what I hope.

4. Ummm... she's confused and torn because her fantasy is falling to pieces at your feet. Meaning, she felt that she would leave and everything would be fine and dandy. Whatever misery she was going through at home would suddenly evaporate if she left. Well, the misery is probably still there, might even be worse and she hasn't a clue what to do with that. Why we believe that our spouses are any less confused than us, I don't know. They are probably more confused. We are learning to have a plan. We have been given a book with the steps clearly laid out. We are talking to people on a daily basis who help us refine our plans. What are our spouses doing??? They are floating in the wind with little to no anchor.

I think that this is a dead on analysis too. Of course, I could find out that you and I are both wrong... in which case, my world come crashing down on me again.

5.If you are smart, you'd do anything to keep me. But that's just my opinion. " - Now this statement is the most telling of them all. She is telling you something here. If she was trying to get away, she would NEVER EVER EVER EVER make a statement like this. She would be running in another direction and would not be doing anything to spur on behavior that is consider pursuing. They hate pursuing when they make the decision to leave. Well, that doesn't appear to be the case here exactly. She's daring you to come after her with this statement. Very, very interesting.

Yes, this was the most encouraging of all of the words that she has said to me in the past several months.

BW this statement, W saying that she doesn't understand why I haven't "tried to fix things" and my FIL's comments about W not believing that I love her, I feel like I'm getting ready for a big trial where I have to present a case "beyond a reasonable doubt".

I guess that its a good thing that I'm a lawyer, right?

Unfortunately though, this is all beginning to feel like I am getting ready for a big job interview. Not how a M should feel.

6. Forget about the OM. He does not figure into this equation right now. You have got to do anything to get this out of your mind. I'm pretty convinced that was more fantasy than anything else. I have a feeling that was more of a safety net after she left than something that had truly developed.

I really need to know the answer to this before I will have any peace with it. My mind just isn't allowing for me to deal with the negative possibilities.

Thanks again LIS for your uplifting post.

I know that my response probably doesn't reflect it being uplifting, LOL, but it is.

BITS
Denver