lost

[verysad2day]

I need some honest TIP. 1) how will my H miss me if we live in the same house? 2) should I stop cooking dinner every night (this was a 180 for me)? this isn't going well

What do people do when they live together.

[2stepboogie]

Why is he acting as if everything is good

This is the question he should be asking about you. You are curious right? Make him feel this way!

[verysad2day]

I try and everytime we are having a good time I feel like asking him "what is this?" I haven't in a week and it was 4 weeks before that. I feel so good until he makes his bed on the couch and I go to the bedroom

[2stepboogie]

yes but you are worried too much about what he is thinking or what he is doing. You are worried about the results of what you are doing. What I am saying is do YOU and not worry about what he is thinking or how he is making his bed or if he wants to sleep on the couch or not.

You want to ask him "what is this"......Don't. Right now you take it as it comes but make sure you are living for you and no one else.

Put those feelings aside and just concentrate on positives in yourself, the rest will come around.

[MrBond]

He'll miss you when you aren't being so attentive to him. Start doing things for yourself and not to try and get a reaction out of him.

I warn you though. It will be difficult. Once you start pulling away, he will start complaining that you are being "cold", or acting like a b*tch, etc. Just ignore those actions.

Think of him like a child. If he doesn't get attention, he will do everything he can (including throwing a tantrum) to get it from you. Don't fall into it. You are strong enough to do it.

Start living your life and going out to do the things YOU enjoy doing. That's how you get him to miss you.

[verysad2day]

His #1 complaint was that I ignored him and kept to myself. So If I GAL how will this improve things? Today was the first afternoon in 6 weeks that I have not asked him if he will be home for dinner. I feels good.

[Sad_but_happy]

Hi Verysad,
This is difficult. The hardest part is giving them space without knowing if it will bring them back.

Becuase if we KNEW that it would work we would keep going.

And if we KNEW that it wouldn't work we would cut our losses NOW!


There is no easy answer Verysad. This will take will power. Keep one thing in mind, your health is more important then your R. You need to make the best decisions for your health. If that means to keep going, DO IT! If that means to call it quits, DO IT! If that means kicking him out, DO IT!

Do what's best for verysad.

((((verysad)))) - Wish I could give you a real hug...

[verysad2day]

My H is acting very odd. Yesterday, he sent me a text asking me how my day was? He hasn't done anything even close to that since this all started. When he got home he was nicey nicey and seemed a bit "off" when I didn't respond. Am I reading to much into it. Also, I have asked the board this question before and never got a response....why did he tell me that he got a place in Dec. but hasn't left or moved a thing out? Am I making it too comfortable for him?

[lostinscared]

My husband does this. He also had an apartment and didn't move out for 3 weeks. I can't tell you why they do this. I wish that I could so that I could have answers of my own.

My husband is kind and attentive one minute and the next minute, he's distant again. All I can say, is that they are clearly going through their own issues and confusion. They are no different than us. One minute, I feel strong and feel like I can do this, the next, not so much.

The only thing that seems to work is to have a consistent attitude no matter what. They will often follow our moods, so we must remain upbeat regardless of what they are doing. It helps if we find stuff in our lives to be upbeat about.

I wish I had answers for you, Sad. I know that this whole thing kind of leaves you raw. I'm praying for you.

LIS

[Bolt]

VS - He's asking how your day went. I think that sounds pretty good.
BUT don't read into it. That just means that your detaching is working. You have to continue to do it.

He said you weren't attentive in the past? I'm pretty sure that you were, just not to his standards. Now you aren't at all. He'll see that difference and like Mr.Bond said, he will act out to get your attention.

As far as the apt, I'm not sure. I know that I've done things and said things that I don't really mean. Did he really get an apt or did he just say it? We tend to say/do things that we don't mean but DO intend to hurt.

Kids will say, "I hate you!" They don't mean it but they know that it will hurt you and make them feel better.

This could be the case here.

Regardless, keep GAL and detach.

Stay strong!!