W in long PA with another woman. I'm devastated.

[sparks14]

My wife goes to her own therapy on Monday afternoons. I take a long lunch and take care of my baby during this time. She brings lunch home, and we usually just talk.

We started talking about how we should schedule the co-parenting split of nights this week with our S. Since couple's therapy is not until Tuesday, we need to get an idea about tonight and maybe even tomorrow.

She started to get a little defensive. I told her that I know how hard it is (didn't tell her how I almost broke down last night). She told me that I had no idea how much it hurts and how hard it is. She said that she is the one having to pump every few hours while he is with me. I asked her how she thought I felt all of the times when she would just take him away. This began to get a little heated. We have been trying to stay positive about co-parenting, but this was the first time either of us turned negative.

She then told me that she did not trust talking to me in our living room. She did not trust that I was not recording her conversation or somehow spying on her. Trust? It is almost as if she is turning the trust card on me. Was she not the one that lied to me for ten months? Was it not her that shattered my trust towards her? I feel like she is turning from victim to attacker. She then said that her therapist told her that she needed to be more careful when talking to me, becuase I could be gaining evidence to go after her. I told her that my main intention was saving our marriage. How else would I be acting so kind to her in the face of such betrayal.

I agreed that if she wanted to only talk about us in front of our couples therapist, I would agree for now. If that is what it takes to feel safe, I am up for it, because I need the honest communication. She then said something that I leave my iphone in the car (like I would use it to record our therapy sessions).

It just feels weird how I am taking the high road here as a victim, but she is trying to turn herself into the victim. I reminded her today that she was the one that made this awful mistake that has caused this pain. She cannot forget that. Sometimes I feel she truly does not have remorse. That old saying, "sorry that you did it, or sorry that you got caught?"