I really think that you have to move into the accepting mode and change your current behaviour. I am trying to change my behaviour with respect to stopping all pursuing activities. It is killing me to do this because my fear is that if I stopped doing these things I would drive her further away.
The reality is that she is already gone, and pressuring her to come back doesn't help. My wife is also very stubborn, but I think my pursuing just made her dig her heals in all that much more.
However, when I gave her the lets work through a divorce if thats what you want and you can go be with the OM message, she immediately came back with the "I don't know what I want", "I am so depressed" response. She thought she knew that she wanted to be away from me, but when I gave her the green light she balked. My kids are older, 15, 12 and 9,so she may be more concerned about the impact a D may have on the kids then your wife.
I still am in a tough spot, beause we just live like roommates, but that is far better to me then going through a D. You have already lost her so being accepting is not going to cost you anything, but may give you a chance to get her back.
