I understand the resentment and hostility and not wanting to have a very important event tarnished by your wife's presence.
BUT.. as others have stated there is many good opportunities here to show how far you've come. She will no doubt be very uncomfortable and foresee that already and may choose not to come.
If she does go, then she will have a room full of bitter reminders to swallow and that could be a really good dose of medicine as you can't control how receptive people will be.
You also do not want to alienate your brother's new bride, after all she will be family now and you don't want her to resent you or try and use that as a wedge between you and your brother.
What if you happen to be very fortunate and repair your marriage ? There may be awkwardness down the road with your family members if you treat her like an outcast. Although our spouses certainly deserve it, it will do no good in the long run.
And you DO want to repair your marriage that's why you're here. So if you ban her from the family events you are telling her you no longer want her to be a part of your life or your family.
No-one likes to be excluded. We are all feeling this in one form or another. I know if my H were to tell me I couldn't go to a family event that I was invited to I'd be like 'F-you ! i'm going and there is nothing you can do about it!' but if he was earnest with me and he was decent about it, I would probably do the right thing and not attend to spare his feelings and mine. Perhaps you can try this approach with her.
just my thoughts.. Good Luck to you
Btw.. Can someone please tell me what BITS is? i'm still a newbie and clueless apparently.
Me-41 H-34 T-9 M-8 10/21/10-BOMB 11/01/10-H moves out 01/27/12-H files
"Good memories tell you that your past was worth it, bad ones tell you that you were strong enough to go on"
