Hoping to find some peace

[Redo]

Journaling...

I was talking to my yesterday when she quite bluntly put it that she's walking out of the M because she did not want our D to grow up like me with my panic,anxiety issues. I also suspect that there could be her personal reasons too like she did not like being married to someone who might not always be happy.

Through my marriage i have always made decisions based on whether my W would be happy or upset with them. I did not bother to make sure if i'd be happy with them.

yesterday when we were discussing our daughter conservatorship, she said she wanted sole custody unless I was willing to go into therapy in which case she'd be okay for joint custody.

I later decided that i would accept going into therapy. I thought that she might see that i am making an effort and might decide to come back(someday). Then it just hit me. I just made a decision again based on whether she would be happy with me or upset with me.

The hard part i am trying to understand here is that at this stage when our divorce might take place in about 2 weeks, do i do things to make her happy or do i do things to improve myself.

I think i just answered my question...