His behaviour will always make me think , but my plan is not letting him get into my head and forcing my actions as a result. I'll follow the advice to believe nothing I hear him say and only 50% of what he does.
I'm GAL and he's noticed in a big way, i'll make sure I always look my best, that i'm always busy and do everything with a smile on my face, I'll be mysterious and make him wonder. I'll be the type of woman that drew him to me in the first place.. i know i changed over the years and I'm doing a 180 to find that woman again.
I won't engage in R talk or any talk that will lead to a heated discussion and if I feel the talk is getting more serious I'll walk away first and go read, watch tv or leave the house.
I know it's much to early to read into any positive signs and he's not even moved back in yet. I know he's desperate and he needs me and that will be in the forefront of my mind always. I need him too but I refuse to show my weakness.
I know this is going to be perhaps the hardest thing I've ever done especially because I love him but don't trust him and I don't trust that OW is completely out of his life romantically. She was a friend of mine so I know quite a bit about her and how she behaves and she won't give up that easy, I mean she got him in the first place.
he was never paying me his share because he wasn't living in the house and refused to pay ME but living there I'm sure he will, he's just being stubborn on that issue. BUT if he doesn't then I have family that can help me out as well as a small financial safety net but he's unaware of that.
My first mistake was not getting guidance before I acted, I was impulsive and I ended up making BIG mistakes. I will stop and think before I act, I'll practice all the techniques I'm learning on here and make a rational choice before I act as I don't want to reverse my progress.
I have an amazing support group of friends and family I can turn to for support if it gets too much at times as well as the support from the DB forums.
I believe I can do this. I just need to remember that I'm stronger than I think I am.
Me-41 H-34 T-9 M-8 10/21/10-BOMB 11/01/10-H moves out 01/27/12-H files
"Good memories tell you that your past was worth it, bad ones tell you that you were strong enough to go on"
I am working really hard at making myself happy and every day I feel better and stronger. I occasionally have 'moments' where I slip back into sadness. Yesterday was one of those days.
I found out that my H was out with his 'friend' on Saturday. I knew she wasn't out of his life but I had thought that they weren't seeing each other socially.
I also noticed that he had untagged himself from all our pictures on facebook and had changed his website profile to no longer include me. It used to say one of his favourite things was his wife.
It just feels like he's doing everything to remove me from his life.. and it stings.
and then the dentist called and reminded us of our appt. next week.. we had always scheduled our appt's together it was kind of a final blow that we no longer will do simple things together.
Originally Posted By: sandi2
Does he have any income where he has the sources to pay his half of expenses?
He runs his own business, it's up and down right now but I no longer have access to his financials so I don't know when he has a good month or bad and if he's hiding money or doesn't have any when he says he doesn't. I guess I'm just hoping that he'll do the right thing.. I told him I can't help fix up the house he wants to sell so desperately if he doesn't contribute.
5 more days until he moves back home.. I'm starting to get some anxiety over this... i just keep trying to breathe.
Me-41 H-34 T-9 M-8 10/21/10-BOMB 11/01/10-H moves out 01/27/12-H files
"Good memories tell you that your past was worth it, bad ones tell you that you were strong enough to go on"
He didn't end up moving in. By last Thursday he was all ready to come back to the house this weekend and I was preparing for that. He had a conversation with my best friend on Thursday afternoon whilst fixing her computer and it was the first time that she had spoke to him since finding out about his affair with a mutual friend of ours. She was upset about the incident and the fact that they both lied to her face and was prepared to get some answers.
Anyway, they had a long talk about everything and my H told her that he made a mistake with the OW, that they're just friends and it's awkward between them but they want to remain friends and are trying to work that out. I was upset to hear that because he wasn't willing to put that same commitment into our marriage. H also told my friend that he made some big mistakes with how he handled our situation in the summer by moving upstairs etc. and things could have been different. He didn't elaborate as to what could be different.. different between us and our marriage or different in the way he handled the separation ? He was also inquiring about a rumour he had heard about me dating a guy he knows. He said he didn't care if i was, but why ask then ? He also told my friend that I haven't changed. She was very defensive and told him all the things about me that HAVE changed and that i'm happier and look great and smile a lot and i'm very social and active and handling this whole situation amazingly. He hasn't noticed any of this, he's so wrapped up in himself and he said that it proves that i'm better off without him, she was sure to tell him that all this was in motion while we were together and he just refused to see it. She said he just stopped talking after that , like he was thinking and went back to fixing the computer.
The next day I get an email from him saying he won't be moving in for 'various reasons'. What changed from the day before ? Did he ponder the conversation with my friend ? One reason is that he will be house sitting for a friend for a couple of weeks so he'll have a place to stay. He also mentioned that he doesn't think it will be healthy for us to live together. Well we already know that but I'm now curious as to what the other reasons are.
I can't help but think based on conversations that he has with friends that he may be starting to feel the regrets and may still have feelings for me but is worried that if he moves back in that we'll get back together and he is fighting that because we were unhappy and he doesn't want to get back into that situation and he'd rather move on with his life then face that.
Is it unhealthy to think like this ?
I feel rejected again.. I was hoping that with him moving back I would be able to actually show him the difference in me but now I feel like I'm never going to get a second chance.
Me-41 H-34 T-9 M-8 10/21/10-BOMB 11/01/10-H moves out 01/27/12-H files
"Good memories tell you that your past was worth it, bad ones tell you that you were strong enough to go on"
Our dentist called me this morning to re-schedule OUR dental appts. due to the snow storm. Apparently my H didn't cancel his appt. and was planning on going knowing that I was going to be there.. so I was kind of jubilant regarding that. So I messaged H to let him know he has to reschedule, I offered to do it for him but didn't know his schedule. He then informs me that he is leaving for a trip this weekend.. a trip that we had originally planned together. This really hurts, and I'm extremely sad upon hearing this. He's staying with friends of ours and I can't help but wonder if he's going with someone but I wouldn't dare ask. When I think there's a breakthrough I just get slapped with a dose of reality.
I still love my husband with all my heart despite the cruel and heartless things he's said and done ... but is this roller coaster ride really worth it ? I'm not sure if my heart can take this.
and is it wrong to hope he gets stranded in a snow bank ? lol
Me-41 H-34 T-9 M-8 10/21/10-BOMB 11/01/10-H moves out 01/27/12-H files
"Good memories tell you that your past was worth it, bad ones tell you that you were strong enough to go on"
Well I've had to watch posts all week on Facebook about my H's trip this weekend. I've not brought the subject up to any of our mutual friends just in case they inform him that I've inquired about it.
We also had to exchange emails all day yesterday because he's working on a website for me that he committed to before our split. He's been keeping his end of the bargain on that. It was odd, we were talking like client/customer and it made me sad to think that after 9 years this is what our life together has come to.
He messaged me today that he was going by the house to grab a travel bag. I never mentioned his trip nor did I say have a good time.. I'm not sure how to approach it, do I wish him a good trip or let him think that I'm not bothered in the least although it's killing me ?
Me-41 H-34 T-9 M-8 10/21/10-BOMB 11/01/10-H moves out 01/27/12-H files
"Good memories tell you that your past was worth it, bad ones tell you that you were strong enough to go on"
This weekend was hard, watching all my H's pics of his trip go up online made me miss him and all the future trips we had planned together. Then going to a Super Bowl party solo just hit home.
I woke up sad. The reality just hits me sometimes and i just sobbed for about 1/2 hour straight. I just miss him so much, i want to turn the clock back so bad it hurts. There is so many things i want to say to him that i can't, so many things i want to do with him but i won't.
I think i'm sad because even though i'm hoping beyond anything that he'll come back the reality is always there that he may be gone for good. I'm 7 years older, i keep thinking 'why would he want to come back to his 'old' wife when he can date younger'?
I know i'm having a down day, tomorrow will probably be better but i can't help myself.. I constantly mourn the loss of my husband and marriage no matter how hard i'm trying.
Me-41 H-34 T-9 M-8 10/21/10-BOMB 11/01/10-H moves out 01/27/12-H files
"Good memories tell you that your past was worth it, bad ones tell you that you were strong enough to go on"
Contrary to a post I submitted on another thread regarding facebook.. I decided to block my husband and a few of our mutual friends. This weekend was just too painful a reminder that he's got a life without me and seeing all our mutual friends post on his wall and his pics makes me jealous that they still have a relationship with him, it also feels like everyone has forgiven and forgotten what he's done although I struggle everyday with the affair and to have his OW post on his wall is just a slap in the face to me.
It's also called a 'friend's list' and he's not my friend. He used to be my best friend now he's nothing to me.
I also changed the message on the voicemail today.. hard to record in between tears.. lol.. I admit, I used to call regularly and listen to my husband's voice on the machine. All of these actions feel like I'm removing my husband from my life and will ultimately push him away for good..
I can't completely stop all contact with him as we're working on a website together unfortunately.
By doing these minor things, what message is this sending ? is this part of going dark ?
and I'm really scared to make the wrong move.
Me-41 H-34 T-9 M-8 10/21/10-BOMB 11/01/10-H moves out 01/27/12-H files
"Good memories tell you that your past was worth it, bad ones tell you that you were strong enough to go on"
I hadn't heard from H in 2 days. It was really hard not even seeing him pop up on FB since I blocked him
I had to contact him this morning regarding the house payments coming up.
There was no hello, how was your trip? It was just a very straight forward list of what was due.
He then replied that we need to talk about the house and that he's going to take one day off a week to start fixing it up. There is NO way we can sell with the work that needs to be done, and even with the market the way it is we'll lose money and owe a ton. Our mortgage is due in October and he had plans of dumping it on me or selling it before then.. the reality is we can't, so we'll likely have to renew and be stuck holding the house together.
He has his mind set on renting the house out now. I'm very leary of this as 1) i'll have to move into an apt. 2) we won't be able to ask in rent what the mortgage/taxes would cover 3) insurance will go up 4) liabilities - what happens if someone drowns in the pool ? or the renters destroy the house ? 5) who will take care of the maintenance or emergency repairs ?
So to me it's not an ideal solution.. he originally was going to move back home, i THOUGHT this would be a fantastic opportunity for me to show him how much I've changed but it looks as though I won't get that chance now.
I have NO idea what course of action to take next.. I'm trying to go dark but it's not working.. it's only been 2 days I had to contact him first or he'd shaft me on his share of the bills.
I'm just so confused, emotionally drained, depressed and at the same time I'm trying to GAL, be strong and have hope.. this is SO HARD !
Me-41 H-34 T-9 M-8 10/21/10-BOMB 11/01/10-H moves out 01/27/12-H files
"Good memories tell you that your past was worth it, bad ones tell you that you were strong enough to go on"
