Shine on you crazy diamond...

[Mach1]

My family is split on my decision regarding my brother's wedding. As you may remember from my previous post, I have informed my brother and future SIL, that my W will not be attending their wedding in March which she has been invited to(I am the best man, by the way). This upset my future SIL, because she is friends with my W. I explained to the family that I want my brother's wedding to be a happy day for me also and I don't want to have to look at my W across a crowded room all evening knowing that I can't be with her. Now, I informed my future SIL that I would do the "dirty work" (ie: I would be the one to tell my W that she is not welcome). Needless to say, this has caused a stir. Also, there will be two showers thrown for my future SIL over the next couple of weekends. I have informed my family that my W will not be invited to these gatherings either. This upset my mother. My mother loves me deeply, but she has this very unrealistic notion that her and my W will remain friends even after the D. I don't know how to tell her that this will not be the case. Anyway, my reasons for getting my W banned from all these things will be explained later.

Banned ?

My younger sister is getting married in June. My W was supposed to be a bride's maid in the wedding. Because my sister is so pissed at my W for leaving me, she has recanted this offer and my W will no longer be a member of the wedding party or invited to the wedding. This was my sister's choice and I didn't push her into it. This will be hard. My sister was 7 when I brought my W into the family. They became best friends and used to love each other dearly. Now, my sister wants nothing to do with my W and could not care less if she ever sees her again. Just some background info.

FYI....Stay out of that decision....

So, why is FOBD doing this? Well, here are my reasons:

1) I will be miserable at these events if she is there. She will be a walking, talking, never-ending reminder of my destroyed marriage. My W and I used to love going to weddings. We loved to dance together all night long. I don't want to sit through a three-hour reception with her across the room. I would rather poke my eye out with a salad fork.

2) She has NO RIGHT TO BE THERE!!! You see, when you take off your wedding ring, prance around Canada posing as single and start up an EA with a guy you met there, you also give up your "membership card" to my family. You stop being family and start being something else I cant describe in words just yet. If you belong to a gym and stop paying your dues, you don't get to continue to work out there. If you show up, you get your *ss tossed out into the street. Same goes here. You don't get to leave me and then still be with the people you have loved for 15 years. Me and my family are a package deal. If you don't want to be with me, you don't get to be with my family. And, honestly, some of my family would probably not treat her very nicely anyway. Some of them are very devote Christians and think what she is doing is awful. In a way, I am protecting her from getting a very cold reception from some people that used to love her like family. I do believe their less than friendly reception might be a horrible kick in the face to her.

3) I think it might be time for her to take an extra-large dose of "reality" right now. For the past 15 years, she has been there for weddings, funerals, dance recitals, first communions, birthday parties, you name it. When she realizes that she is no longer welcome here, she will have to face what she has done. This will be a giant "sh*t pie" right in the kisser. It might be the first time she will have to really face what she is leaving behind. Yes, I know in a way this seems vindictive, but it is how I feel. "You want out, there is the door, sweetheart. But, I am very sorry to have to inform you that there will be no parting gifts for the loser today. Just stark cold reality for you, my love."

Whilst I understand this...

I'm still not sure you are doing this for the right reasons.

How does this hold up to that person you want to be moving forward ?

There is a lot of "Superiority" in your words.

There is nothing wrong with not wanting her there, or to be a part of your family right now. What I don't like is the logic you wrote to justify that decision.

Folks, I still want her back.

Is this thinking moving you closer or further away ?

But

"But" is an excuse to not do better...

I will be damned if she will be there for these events. She should have considered this before she walked out on me like she was leaving the mall with a new pair of shoes.

How would you view a person that felt this way about you ?

And don't give me any "I'm entitled-It's not fair" crap either....

Think about how your actions play into what you want....

Your thoughts control your actions...

As long as you are on that soapbox, it will be harder for her to reach you....