Well, given my situation, I have started reading DB all over again. And while yesterday I would have said that you were right, don't invite her and be done with it, that is not my opinion today.
Your BITS cannot answer this FOBD. Only YOU can. MWD believes strongly that we can influence our WAS's a lot more than we think we can. So, the first question you need to ask yourself is, what response are you trying to get here? If you want your W back, do you believe not inviting her to the wedding is going to get you to that goal. This could very well be the case. She might not be angered by the uninvites, but rather might be forced to think very strongly about her choices. But only you can answer that. Every situation is different and every 180 is different. For instance, the advice to distance myself from my H is not wise in my situation. It hits at the core of his problems with me and is viewed as more of the same.
So, first, define your goal. Then define the behavior that is likely to get to that goal. If you think that neither decision is going to make a difference to that goal, then I say don't invite her and avoid the pain. If, however, you do feel that one is better than the other in terms of improving the relationship, then you need to choose that.
I, personally, am with Denver and grr on this one. I think the scenario that gives you the best chance is to invite her. It presents way more opportunities for you, IMHO.
