Please be careful when you consider any boundaries. They are to protect you, NOT to punish or attempt to control your S's behavior. They are also only to be used if you are ready for either outcome.
The odds with a MLCer, is they are going to do the exact opposite of what you are wanting them to do. The person who gets hurt in that situation is you.
Because when they rebel, you have two choices, enforce the boundary regardless, or not. If you don't, you lose your credibility. In the future, you will need boundaries. After they begin to wake up.
Any boundaries involving children is a really bad move. And may not even be legal. Your S is 16 like mine. He choses when and if he is gonna hang out with his father. The best thing you could do there, is get out of the way, let them forge whatever relationship they are gonna, and be there to provide emotional support for your S.
Cake eating is really personal for each of us. What some consider cake eating, others do not. Often a MLCer will want to present a "happy family" persona to the world and having an affair or their alternate life in the background. With our knowledge. Some of us can do that, to maintain a connection, to try to let them know the door is still open, others cannot.
Her talk with you and then running, was typical. It was a bit of a peek out of the tunnel. More often than not, those moments cause us to think that things might be changing. We expect it to be that way the next time we see them. And we get hurt when it doesn't happen. Detatching helps you to see those moments for what they are. Then if she does wake up, you will be able to tell the difference.
Hey Jim, long time no see.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
