Shine on you crazy diamond...

[Denver_2010]

FOBD - This is a tough one for the BITS.

Honestly man, I'd vote for you to let your bro and his fiancee, and your little sis and her fiancee, all decide for themselves.

This sounds like your taking a shot at you W by doing this. If you want her back, why would you do this?

I've talked about unconditional love on my thread. This is how i want to be loved and am trying my best to learn to give it myself. I don't think that banning your W from these weddings would be acts of true giving... of unconditional love.

How would you feel if the roles were reversed? You would be hurt that her family was not inviting you to these weddings. You would feel that her family had zero respect for your happiness and your choices. And if you found out that it was your W who actually forced them to disinvite you, you would view that as an act of disrespect for your feelings and choices. NOT validating.

And you also have to consider the unintended consequences of these actions. What if you and W DO reconcile. Could it actually make reconciliation more difficult down the road when W is concerned about 'uncomfortableness' bw she and your family? Do you want your W to have resentment towards any of your family over this? Would it be worth it?

It seems to me that you are initiating an act of war here. I just don't think this is what you want to do.

Now, I MIGHT change my vote if you told me that you simply won't be able to have a good time at these weddings if your W is there. I don't think that I believe that though. You obviously will have plenty of family and friends there who you can spend the wedding reception hanging out with. Now I certainly agree that W canNOT bring OM to any of these events. That I'd back you up on 100%.

Lastly, don't you think that these two events would be good opportunities to DB her? Either by showing her that you are capable of being just fine without her, and/or by showing her what she is missing by not being with you?

I'll support whatever you decide here, but it just seems, well, as you said, vindictive. Just being honest man.

BITS
Denver