Be the Lighthouse

[Denver_2010]

As for wanting to talk, well, be ready for that one. It could be good, it could be bad. My W contacted me three weeks ago because "she wanted to talk." It turns out she just wanted to reaffirm to me that we are through and that she wanted furniture. I guess all I can tell you is prepare for the worst and hope for the best.

This is my major concern at this juncture too. W has made 5 statements that seem contradictory in regards to what W wants us to talk about later this week:

1. "I guess I just don't understand why you haven't initiated a conversation with me or tried to work things out."

This was said last night and seems to suggest that she has been waiting for me to go to her, initiate R talk, and try to work things out.

2. "Although I'd be fine watching the game tomorrow, I think it sends very mixed messages to you and SS, so I probably shouldn't. I appreciate the invitation but there are too many unresolved issue with us right now."

Also said last night. One take on this could be that she is not interested in reconciliation at this point and she needs to clear up the 'mixed messages' that she is concerned about.

3."SIL AND BIL said you are welcome to watch the SB at their house."

This was said early this afternoon. W and I had already decided that we would NOT be watching the game together, yet she initiates an invite to her sisters to watch the game with her and her family. This seemed very passive aggressive to me. She didn't say 'I'd like you to come over' or 'why don't you come over', she phrased it as an invite from SIL. BUT, she didn't have to invite me at all. To me, this seems that she did want to spend the time with me. If true, this would be a good sign.

4. "I'm not as willing to dive into anything with you as you are. It's complicated and I'm seriously confused and torn. Just trying to be nice."

Said early this afternoon. This one concerns me the most. Mainly the 'it's complicated and I'm seriously confused and torn" part. What is complicated? What is she confused about? What is she torn between? These statements will probably cause me to lose sleep.

5. "If you are smart, you'd do anything to keep me. But that's just my opinion. "

Said early this afternoon. W's first statement of any kind indicating that there is a chance that M may be saved. It is the first time that she has said anything opposite of what she told me on December 22 or 23 when she told me, "you lost me. i am not a price to be won. you cannot win me back."

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I think that deep down W knows that she wants to reconcile. I really do. I think that she is embroiled in an internal battle with herself. With all of the "concrete" and "final" decisions that she thought she had made back in November and December. With all of the statements to that effect that she probably uttered to all of her friends and family.

W does not want to come out of this looking like she made a mistake and crawled back to me. She wants to come out of this looking like the victor and me looking like I had to beg and plead for one more chance to show that I could be a good H.

Where I think that there is at least a reasonable chance that I could be wrong are with the 'its complicated, I'm confused, I'm torn" statements. These COULD relate to OM. I lean towards that they do not bc I have seen VERY little evidence that he has been a big part of her life over the past couple of weeks at least. And even before that, I had written her that I had a feeling that things bw W and OM were done or almost done. This could be the work of my imagination still making OM a big part of this... OR, it could be the work of my denial that OM is NOT still a big part. I can't trust either. So I really don't know.

I guess I will get answers when she and I go to dinner in the coming week or two.

BITS
Denver