The for the feedback. It is really appreciated.

I decided to go ahead with the gifts. I didn't go way overboard. I bought some flowers and a card. The card was a sappy Love you Anniversary card. It more of a I understand our situation and our friendship means a lot. I made sure that it was something that wasn't I love you I miss you.

When I gave them to her I could tell that she had been crying a lot and she had been crying since church because her eyes were way too swollen for the amount of time that had passed since church was over. I asked her if she had been crying and she replied that she went to the front of the church for prayer today. I guess today was really a hard day for her to deal with. I gave her the flowers and a brief that I would give even a guy friend in a time of emotional need. She didn't pull away at all and actually hugged back. Which even when we were together she had gotten to where she wouldn't reciprocate the hug. As far as the card goes I told her she could read it if she wanted to and it was completely up to her. I told her to have a good day and I hope the flowers would brighten her day and then left. This was maybe a matter of 5 minutes. I have only been reading this website since she sent that text message about the smothering which I think was Wednesday or Thursday. Since then I have been keeping all contact to the point of the kids. I figured me not giving the gifts would remind her of previous mistakes and if they pushed her away it couldn't deter any progress I have made in a couple of days.

When I left I went and had lunch with my "second mom" and talked with her about the different things that have been going on. While I was with her I received a text message from W.

I waited for 20-30 mins before responding to each question.

W: Are you talking to someone?
W: Honestly tell me the truth... its fine are you talking to someone?

Me: I don't talk to anyone that would hide from you. Everyone that I talk to is for support for making myself a better person to prepare me for whatever happens.

W: Any girls? Just wondering?

Me: Only people that we together would look to for support. I am not in any for dating or talking to anyone. I have to get myself fixed.

We have talked a few times through out the night but nothing other than the kids and general stuff like the Super Bowl and who was winning. She did take the phone from the kids to tell me how beautiful the flowers were. So I take that the flowers were the right thing to do? The talks have definitely gotten better since I have stopped badgering her.

I have been doing quite a few things to better myself but avoiding the obvious train wrecks such as bars and clubs. I have seen a counselor and talked about this stuff with her but she wasn't a big help other than getting in my mind I need to find something to keep me busy.

I have read the 5 Love Languages. Which has helped me see from her point of view and not just my blinded point of view. So I now know the points my marriage started to go down hill and what I can do to prevent that in the future and has also helped me to read my kids feelings.

Mainly I have been catching up with friends and helping build my social confidence again.

I have been making lists of things I need to fix. Today I purchased some new clothes because I have not been purchasing anything like that because I have put my family first.

Tuesday I am going to go sign up at the gym and start working out once she gets the kids after work. (I get my kids from the baby sitters and hang out with them until she gets off work)

I am trying to focus more on my kids and being a great father for them. I took them this whole week and did their daily routines with them such as breakfast school dinner bathes and the such. I do not want to be only a weekend dad so I am doing what I can do with what I have available.


As far as the DR thing. That was a priority for me today. I purchased it today and have started reading it. I am on now on step 2. I have so far done a 180 from the way I was acting just 3-4 days by the direction of some of the posts I have read from other people and guidance of friends. Conversations I have been listening to her and trying to stay off other subjects other than the kids.

I am really astounded by the am I seeing other females questions. IDK what to think into this. Is that some sign that she is truly struggling with her decision and that this is truly what she wants. I probably answered those questions wrong or I maybe I should have not answered them at all. You guys are way more "pro" at this than I am.

Hopefully my posts will start to go through a little quicker now that my post count is going up so I see feedback quicker.

downandout


Togther 10 yrs Married 2/6/2009
Me-29 W-26
S-5 S-2
Bomb 12/10
Separated 1/11
D filed 2/11