What should I do?

[Forrest Gump]

"FG,

I hope that I don’t offend you for some of things I am about to say."

Why would you assume you might offend me? If you do offend me.. why would that really matter?

"I reread through much of your earlier posts from ’07. You said that your W had an EA with another man. Multiple EA’s. Did they ever turn physical or would you rather not say?"

I look at your post count and really wonder.. if you read it. But.. I "see" your homework.

She has said that it never became P. Do I believe that? No. A big part part of my walk has been the "lacking". She is holding me up to "high standards" yet at times I feel like I can't hold her up to them. I have been willing o put the past behind me to a point. Now.. I just feel like the "past" keeps coming back.

"Why would she have an EA? Did she ever say? I don’t mean to sound harsh, but what was the EA providing her that you weren’t? I don’t think he was hanging out with the kids and doing stuff around the house. Those things ARE important though."

Well off the top of my head she would have one because I was not focusing on her. The OM was.. cause he wanted "some". It would be easy for "someone" to walk in and get her attention. Cause I have not been doing it well. But the amount of effort she is willing to put into "someone" has taken me by surprise every time. I just can't find that "thing" that helps me. I have alot against me. The OM has not "failed" her yet. So I have to be 2x as good.

"Typically an EA that never becomes physical, is to fulfill an emotional need that is not being met. Was that the case for her?"

Maybe.. I am not 100% sure.

"You have said that she is beautiful. Do you tell her that?"

I have not in a long time. Mostly because I just don't "feel" it anymore. She can't seem to "see" that the things I am doing indicate that she is beautiful. My actions never seem to be enough.

"Does she see the porn as competition? It’s hard to compete with a perfect 20 year body that has never had kids. What does she say?"

Yes. Well.. she is not competing with a 20 year old.. who has never had kids. She is competing with someone who has clothes on and is not just laying there naked saying "take me". Again.. I feel like I have made this clear with her. She got all dressed up to go out with the OM. I will assume he got to take it off. That<<<< Kills me.

"I didn’t need him to. Those little things always made me feel like he loved me and noticed me."

I can't say that I have done the things that were in your story.

But.. I can say I have done the things that she has asked me to do. We were having a discussion the other night about this exact thing. She was telling me about all my lacking and how I am not doing right. So I asked her when was the last time she made me "feel" good? Even looking back over the past 4ish years.. she had to say I can't think of a time. If I was playing the WAS card.. I have done alot. She has done nothing.

I can't remember that last time that my wife was happy to be doing anything with me. And I am absolutely sure that I am not sure how to break that cycle.

Maybe I am an a$$.. but she needs to step up some. She needs to figure out what exactly it is that she wants.

I don't really know anymore.

Our C session is this week.. at this point I am just moving toward that. Maybe with "someone" in between us they can decode the code.