The last several weeks I've been struggling with turning this all over to God. I've thought several times that I have, only to doubt myself. Since I still worry and stress about the S/M, does that mean I haven't truly given it up to him? Yesterday He brought me flat on the floor, asking and begging Him to take this cup from me. Then I heard on the radio that I should praise Him as I wait for answers.
May God bless everyone who has found themselves here.
Nic,
I think the thing that helps me leave it in God's hands is I BELIEVE that God will fulfill his promises to us. I have stated that I feel God is telling me my marriage will be reconciled and HE is asking me to be patient. As I stated in a previous post, I was sexually abused by my step-father for 10 years, and I never lost my faith during that time. 10 years is a looooooong time, so currently this is a drop in the bucket compared to that. If I have to wait 1,2 or even 5 years, nothing could compare to those 10 years. Until I feel God is telling me different I believe God will prevail over satan in my sitch. I know this has brought me much peace and hope. I know it is hard to hand it over to God. Trust me, it was hard, but once I really believed I had no control and only God was in control, it was easier to lay my marriage at God's feet. I am at so much peace and joy about this, it shines through. When I am in public people tell me how happy I look and I seem to be glowing. I just tell them God is in control and I am praising His name for the peace and joy. Why should I even let the crazy MLC bother me? God will take care of it. I do still pray several times a day for my H and the OW. I believe that prayer is the tool that God gives us to defeat satan. For example, H spent the weekend here at the house for his time with D16. When they were gone all day on Saturday, I wanted so bad to go and get on H computer and snoop. Instead, I prayed, and prayed that satan would leave my home, nothing I could snoop about would change the sitch. I finally felt peace come over me and I didn't think about his computer again. This MLC stuff is crazy, and I really do believe it is satan messing with their brains. I am one of the lucky ones because H isn't mean to me at all. I will say during my prayer time God and I have had some serious discussions about my walk with HIM and my short comings in the marriage. We had a good marriage, but I am not perfect and God helped me to focus on me and what I needed to change about myself.
Just some personal observations from the weekend. We did have a good weekend. We wend to Mass as a family and rented movies last night. This morning I worked our church chicken dinner and H and D16 came to eat with me when my shift was over. Now, I should say D16 sat between us at both these events and I have no expectations. Then we came home and vegged out until H had to leave to take photos and D16 and I went to a superbowl party. I invited H to come to the party when he was done, but didn't expect him to show, but he did! I believe that God is working on him.
Blessings to all!
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
