He literally just "came back", but my H isn't one to spend alot of time discussing touchy-feely subjects. When we attended the Retro session in April, it was "I am in love with her, and that won't change." By Mother's Day, it was just "over". Whenever I tried to bring it up, H says it "sets him back." Hence all my insecurity about needing reassurance. I was lucky - OW had some serious guilt issues, and knew she was disrupting a disfunctional work environment. Our son played a big role in it as well - H didn't want to loose another family. H's first wife was not a US citizen, and she took the kids back overseas when he cheated on her. My other theory is that H was just very unhappy with his transition to military retirement, and he found common ground with OW when I stopped listening to the same old tune. I was wrapped up in my challenging job at the time. For 18 years, I put H first, and forgot to do that for awhile. H is now able to say he's not happy with his job situation, and is looking for something else. OW is never mentioned. R is never mentioned. Dr. Phil would probably say that's not healthy, but I still think I need to give things time to scar over. When H dropped the news, he was convinced that I would never be able to get past the affair, and would always be throwing it in his face. As a matter of demonstrating trust, I have bitten my lip a million times rather than probe, question or assume out loud. It doesn't give me reassurance things aren't going bad, but if he's going to betray me again, I couldn't stop him. I wouldn't want to hold him against his will. Even today at lunch, I said (about the job) "life's too short not to be happy with where you're at". I don't believe in throwing away marriages, but I don't believe in retaining a spouse with chains and shackles either. I learned alot about me in the journey, and know I will be okay with whatever God puts in my path.
