Young Couple with WAW

[Denver_2010]

Thanks for sharing your grandfather's poem IW. It is very true. I'm going to quote from a post you put on my thread and respond here. I don't mind at all if you post on my thread, but you really need to keep regularly posting on your's so that you can get others' input. Also, if you post regularly, it will become easier bc your posts will show up immediately.

Great to see your progress denver. My wife texted me on thursday night asking if I would be around this weekend bc she wanted to talk about our situation soon. I told her that I would be but by family would be down bc we were taking my D2 to toy story on ice. She just said "oh" and that maybe we could get together this week and talk. She is uncomfortable around my family so I'm not surprised she chose to wait. I keep wondering what she could possibly want to talk about...is it just about our finances, our D2, or does she really want to talk about us. The last one really scares me but then I think to myself, what else could she say to me that could make me feel worse. She has told me before that she doesn't want to be married, so my heart has been through that. I know she was involved with a guy from work, not sure if she still is, he lives 7 hours away. So if this talk does happen, I will keep low expectations and go into a discussion with low expectations. I keep reminding myself that this is a marathon...not a sprint. I miss her dearly but can't appear needy or weak. Women don't find these qualities attractive and I can't blame them. Good luck bud

BITS

My sitch is over yet, not over by a long shot. But yes, I'm seeing some positives. I hope that my story can eventually be one that others look to to find hope in their own situations.

IF you have this conversation with your W, this is what you need to do, ok?

1) LISTEN to your W... Listen, listen, listen, then listen some more!!

2) Agree with with her. I'm not saying on everything, but find something to agree with her on.

3) VALIDATE what she is saying... how she feels. The easiest way to do this, is to say "I understand how you feel W. I agree. I screwed up" Or whatever fits what she is saying. If she tells you that the moon is made of chocolate, say that you understand and that you agree.

4) If you don't agree, I'd suggest that you not contradict. Just say that you understand that she feels that way.

5) When you are done agreeing and validating, go back to number 1 and listen some more.

This is not the time for you to be putting your issues with the M or W out there. I would completely stay away from the topic of the OM. DON'T bring it up!!

The first time that I spoke to my W with the above rules in effect, I must have told her that I understood how and why she felt a certain way 20 times. She even made a comment about it... something like "is that all that you can say? That you understand how I feel?"

I just told her that that's all I could say. That I did FINALLY understand why she was unhappy in M. That sometimes it takes a devastating even for us to really get something and that now I got it!

Keep reviewing the DB stuff man. It is working for me and it may just work for you too!

And keep posting so some of the other BITS can get invested in your sitch.

BITS
Denver