Valentine's day was nice. I took Friday off work to test out of some courses at college. Since H is thinking of leaving that job, my time as a student is limited. I don't want to pay those rates for the degree! Right now, it's free because of where H works. Anyway, I broke off taking tests at noon, and called H on impulse to see if he was free for lunch. I was expecting a no, because it was late - after noon. Usually he has plans locked in by 11:30 or so. He said yes, and stopped right then to meet me for a long lunch - over an hour. It was great fun. H brought home a dozen roses and a box of my favorite mints (I'm dieting, so no chocolate). Saturday we worked on redoing a bathroom, and Sunday the house was filled with people celebrating my nephew's first birthday. I am still amazed at the turn around, but wonder less and less if it's "real" every day. It is real enough, and there are no certainties in life, so just live each day as it comes. Tomorrow will take care of itself.
I am very happy for you. You sound so positive. Glad that you enjoyed the Valentine's day.
I am now accepting my W's silence as a stage of a MLC person going through her crazy stuff. She fits very well to the description of the sysmptoms of 6 stages of MLC posted by Heartblessing in MLC Forum. I can only sit back and wait for my W to come out from her MLC tunnel.
Yesterday my W sat in front of the computer until midnight playing music and games. I left her alone and went to sleep before her.
Your H's turn around is a miracle. I still hope to see a miracle happening on my W too.
A couple of good things over the weekend, and a couple of bad. First, the good. H finally redid the downstairs bathroom, so we've made progress on moving S14 from the small bedroom upstairs to converting the larger den with more space and privacy. He asked for help, and was easy to work with, even when I didn't read his mind with each step. H volunteered to pick up S after his CAP trip, usually I'm the one to go. (of course, I was halfway through coloring my hair when S called). On the down side, we went with friends to a wine tasting - loads of fun. Was kind of hoping for a one-on-one day, but still a good time. While we were waiting in his car, I started looking through his CD's. He has two new ones I hadn't noticed before. Don't know when they showed up because I spend very little time in his car. They were burned copies, and the handwriting looked like OW's. I just said "Since when did you listen to so-and-so?" "Oh, I like her.", H replied. I am so very tempted to ask him to give them back or throw them out. I guess I just really need the reassurance he's done with the whole mess. He still works with OW every day, sees her every day, and not a word about what their relationship is. On the drive home, H started feeling my breasts as he drove, and then stuck his hand down my sweater right on on the interstate. Do you suppose he's stupid enough to not realize how that looks, and how I would feel - cheap, totally without respect. I pulled his hand out, and said "this is not really the place", and H just then put both hands on the wheel.
I know my W is still contacting the om at work. I know they still sending sms messages after work. But it is nothing I can do about it. I understand your feeling. But thinking about it only hurts you. I wish your H could give you the assurance you are looking for. I have been also waiting for a long time. But I am not sure I will get it.
Now I have accepted the fact that my W does not stop talking to the om. I just hope she will realise one day that it does not help our R.
I am also talking to other women on any subject. I know my W was checking my cellphone. I am not sure whether it is a jealousy or something else. As long as she does not stop talking to the om, my W has no right on exclusivity that I should not talk to any other women.
Hey Kelli -- after you posted on my thread in newcomers, I searched your name and just finished reading all of your posts. Whew! You have come such a long way!! I'm so, so like you in my paranoia and assumptions that my dh's shortness or bad moods are due to me. I'm glad things are so much better for you these days, in spite of your lingering doubts.
Kelli, I know your dh had a sudden turnaround, but has he ever shared with you what had previously made him so unhappy? Has he brought up things that are problems or issues since he "came back" so to speak, or did he just sort of take up where he left off before he dropped the bomb?
He literally just "came back", but my H isn't one to spend alot of time discussing touchy-feely subjects. When we attended the Retro session in April, it was "I am in love with her, and that won't change." By Mother's Day, it was just "over". Whenever I tried to bring it up, H says it "sets him back." Hence all my insecurity about needing reassurance. I was lucky - OW had some serious guilt issues, and knew she was disrupting a disfunctional work environment. Our son played a big role in it as well - H didn't want to loose another family. H's first wife was not a US citizen, and she took the kids back overseas when he cheated on her. My other theory is that H was just very unhappy with his transition to military retirement, and he found common ground with OW when I stopped listening to the same old tune. I was wrapped up in my challenging job at the time. For 18 years, I put H first, and forgot to do that for awhile. H is now able to say he's not happy with his job situation, and is looking for something else. OW is never mentioned. R is never mentioned. Dr. Phil would probably say that's not healthy, but I still think I need to give things time to scar over. When H dropped the news, he was convinced that I would never be able to get past the affair, and would always be throwing it in his face. As a matter of demonstrating trust, I have bitten my lip a million times rather than probe, question or assume out loud. It doesn't give me reassurance things aren't going bad, but if he's going to betray me again, I couldn't stop him. I wouldn't want to hold him against his will. Even today at lunch, I said (about the job) "life's too short not to be happy with where you're at". I don't believe in throwing away marriages, but I don't believe in retaining a spouse with chains and shackles either. I learned alot about me in the journey, and know I will be okay with whatever God puts in my path.
