A VERY Long Engagement

[Bolt]

heck yeah, 2step!

I don't think you were out of line at all. It's obvious that you and her have had a fun relationship in the past. She needs to know that is still there, right?

You played just enough, in my opinion. Didn't push things and actually made fun of the sitch. She played nicely back by saying touche. It actually makes her feel a little comfortable with the sitch. That way when you guys do talk about it, she won't feel as guarded or dreading the talk.

Next step? You're right. Let her do it. Don't avoid her but don't make yourself super available. It's tough because you are seeing forward progress. Just don't forget everything that got you here. I don't think you'll lose her by not reaching out to her. Believe me, she'll reach out again.

[2stepboogie]

Thanks Bolt!

I keep hearing the comment was right on so I will take it and move on. It's allI can do.

[Denver_2010]

I may use that comment tonight if I have this 'face to face' that she has suggested.

BITS
Denver

[zengypsy]

Hey BITS! I misse dby brothers yesterday!!

2 wow - what an awesome exchange you've had. I feel like I'd be behind the 8 ball if I were to add anything. I mean True, Bolt Denver, LIS - spot on as always.

You seems like you are on your way my friend. WELL DONE!!!

[2stepboogie]

gypsy,

I am in my normal weekend mode of feeling down right now. I went to church with my D and nephew again today and I thought I was doing well but this feeling of emptiness just grabbed a hold of me and I really missed her. It my family is not complete and that was painfully obvious to me at church.

I've no contact since that exchange and since the convo's we have been having have all been nice and friendly I was going to stay dark for a few days and if she does not reach out then maybe I would reach out to her.

See my W can play the image of the strong woman who is king of the world right now but I know behind the charade there is pain and a fear to appear weak. She might not call or reach out to me if she feels like I am shunning her or that I am moving on without her but then again I don't want her to think I am at her beckon call.

I am a little torn right now on what to do. Today I am going to a SB party and hopefully have a good time.

[Denver_2010]

Just give it a day or two 2Step. The similarities between our W's doesn't need to be talked about anymore, but your concerns have been mine ever since my FIL told me that W was telling M that she didn't think that I loved her bc I wasn't doing anything to woo her back.

I think that she will probably reach out to you within a couple of days. And if she doesn't, I don't think that there would be anything wrong with you calling her to see how she's doing. IMO, I don't think that you need to go dark on your W. But you do need to walk that fine line between staying in the friend zone and not letting her think that you are at her beckon call. Let instinct guide you but not fear.

BITS
Denver

[2stepboogie]

Your comment about your W just hit a chord with me Denver.

When I was in OK I told my W jokingly I was looking for a place to live. We kind of laughed it off. Then the next day she said how is your search going, I said I stopped looking she said "oh"

M "Why would I move back here?"

W "I don't know. To sweep your W off her feet again"

of course that was in December.

Also in the DB session when Jody asked what can H do to show changes W said "I don't know. I guess he did show up at my mom’s door step"

Those are two comments that lead me to believe she would like some kind of effort on my part but then that is where the complications come in. What is too much/not enough?

Denver your W would like to see effort, you have at least two examples of this, last nights talk and FIL's comment, where do you draw the line?

[zengypsy]

gypsy,

I am in my normal weekend mode of feeling down right now. I went to church with my D and nephew again today and I thought I was doing well but this feeling of emptiness just grabbed a hold of me and I really missed her. It my family is not complete and that was painfully obvious to me at church.

I've no contact since that exchange and since the convo's we have been having have all been nice and friendly I was going to stay dark for a few days and if she does not reach out then maybe I would reach out to her.

See my W can play the image of the strong woman who is king of the world right now but I know behind the charade there is pain and a fear to appear weak. She might not call or reach out to me if she feels like I am shunning her or that I am moving on without her but then again I don't want her to think I am at her beckon call.

I am a little torn right now on what to do. Today I am going to a SB party and hopefully have a good time.

2, I know the w/e's are tough for you. I'm dealing with my H 1 year anniv today of leaving. I've been keepin gbusy all day, cleaning and am going invited a cousin of mine over to watch the SB.

I think going dark for a few days is fine. You know the deal that the WAS has try to show they are put together - we know the truth. I think you made baby steps this past week and just keep that in mind. Patience - Patience.

You are in my thoughts - enjoy the party and see you this week. You better not bail!

[grr]

2step
i think you should go dark for a few days as well
i know it is hard
but think about what you want the outcome of contacting her will be and then think about how you will feel is she doesn't respond in kind
you know?
hope you are having a fun superbowl sunday
i wish i liked baseba - i mean football

[Denver_2010]

I wish that I could tell you 2Step. I've been struggling with this for a couple of weeks now. I really think that you need to apply what you have learned here and in DR/DB, but also use your instincts. Obviously I don't know your W, so take this for what it's worth. But from what I've read, I think that you need to give her a little more time before you do anything but what you currently are.

Remember the bottom line, number one, principle of divorce busting... DO WHAT WORKS!!

BITS
Denver