Divorce or Hope?

[zengypsy]

Nine:

I don't mean to sound cruel and apologize if I do, but you can't help her manage her disorder or her life. She really doesn't want your help at this juncture. SHe is trying to suck you back becasue she needs you and does not neccesarily want you. You have to consider do you want someone to want you or need you? You both need to take some time apart so you can each take care of yourselves and get healthier.

If you got back together now, your M is not going to work. all you both will be is tires spinning in the mud. You need to focus on YOU and I can't stress that enough. Is is hard? HELL YES! But the only one who can control her behavior is her. If you cotinue this parent/child relationship with her, she will continue to resent you.

Do I still love my H even tho he left 1 year ago today and has filed for a D? 150% yes. When I hear from his own brother that he feels my H is making bad choice do I worry and just want to intervene and save him? Again, 150% yes. But I know that I can't. People have to hit rock bottom sometimes to get to the other side. That's the way I look at my H leaving. It sucked, but it forced me to face my demons and work hard to be that person he fell in love with 20 years ago. I want to be the greener grass. My D is going to happen but I won't stop DB'g. How long will I leave that door open ajar, not sure at this moment and that's ok. I'm just taking thingsw one day at a time.

My H got into all that new age stuff, Tolle, Chopra, The Secret etc. Just be careful with those books because they can have a very narcassitic approach. It's a very general view and it doesn't factor in when you have children etc. It's all about if YOU feel your aren't happy, then you need to just cut your losses and move on. It doesn't matter who or what gets left behind. Not a very healthy approach IMHO but I'm sure the overall message isn't bad if you sift thru all the bs. I honestly believe that these books validated my H's decision to leave. DR's approach negates all those age authors views.

Don't pursue her, don't tell her you love her, don't talk about R - she knows trust me. You are only doing more of the same.

I encourage you to read DR if you haven't and if you have, keep reading it over and over. GAL - go out there and get yourself stronger. You can do better and you will. Tommorrow is another day.