Truegritter, I think that going black may be the best thing to do for a couple reasons.
We have been separated for 16 months. During that time our contact has been sporadic and intermittent at best and each time the intervals of contact got longer and longer spread apart (mostly by his wish), culminating in the bomb of Jan 11. Since then I've gone dark but not black.
He appears to be quite content with the situation as it is. So for me it isn't just the last 3+ weeks that is significant.
The only times he contacts me are when it's time for his visitation with the kids, he texts me that he's on his way and his ETA and if I pick up the phone on his nightly calls to the kids to say goodnight. Silence is his preferred method of dealing with conflict, or uncomfortable situations - not mine.
This is why just going dark from my POV is a cheeseless tunnel.
If I do go black. He'll have to make a special effort to speak to me. He already is aware that often times when he texts I get them with a significant time delay, so that method isn't the greatest.
True I'm gonna be upfront. I'm tired, I'm frustrated, confused, and to me, we're as good as divorced. We're certainly living that way.
He gets to live the life of a single, carefree man, and I've got the responsibility and drudgery that he left behind.
AS to what love would say...I haven't a clue. I don't know which way to jump. Is it loving to let myself be treated as a daycare worker? Is it loving to let a situation continue where he's comfortable and I am in acute discomfort? Is it loving to do DBing at all? Is it loving to myself to let this situation continue any longer than it has to?
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
